Shadowlane Part IX: Punished and Dealing with Party Life as a Crazy Person.

Catch up on my other party posts:

         Part I  Part II  Part III  Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII Part VIII

After a nice drive back to the hotel with Dirk and Pubsie, I headed upstairs with a brief stop into the other suite before heading to ours.  While walking down the hallway, I realized that I didn’t have my phone on me.  I assumed that I left the phone in the car, so I asked Pubsie if he could run down and try to catch Dirk before the valet parked his car.

While freshening up, it occurred to me that maybe I had left my phone in the other suite and so I headed back down to 1016.  After knocking Stacy held up my phone and said, “here it is!  Pubsie called and I answered it… he said to tell you that you are in BIG trouble.”

I closed my eyes for a second and said thank you for finding my phone and letting them know it was up here.  OS was laughing because he thought that it was awesome that Pubsie announced that I was in trouble.  We do not have a DD dynamic in our relationship, so Pubsie actually announcing that meant he was REALLY annoyed with me.

After that comment there was no way I was going back to my suite.

 

Rather quickly Dirk and Pubsie arrived at the suite and my one idea was to hide.  Pretty much a classic cousin panicked based plan, I ran into Heather's, Somaholiday's, and OS’s bedroom and darted to the closet.  Why was this a classic cousin plan?  I was trapped without a real plan of action, but at the time I thought it was a great idea!  Since jules was unable to make this party, I apparently began to channel her spirit.  ;)

It worked for a second because Pubsie thought I hid in the bathroom.  However, Dirk checked the closet and pulled me out.  I was feeling horrible when both gentlemen started to scold me.  I did have to yell back, because both men thought it would be funny to make it out much worse than it was and I was already at the point of tears.  They did end up ripping out the back seat of Dirk’s rental car, but luckily no permanent car damage was done.

Pubsie bent me over the bed and took off his belt and began to strap me for the hassle.  OS decided it would be extra helpful to put his ridiculous ginormous hairbrush on the bed.  I glared at him and told him to mind his own business, and luckily both Dirk and Pubsie were too…“distracted” to notice the hairbrush.  When Pubsie was done he offered his belt to Dirk since I inconvenienced him as well.  Dirk was all too happy to comply.

I could tell that Pubsie was still a little annoyed, but Dirk was very forgiving.  He told me that it was worth it since he got to belt me.  I’m glad that Dirk is so easily appeased. 

I’ve mentioned before how I am a little “bat-shit-crazy” and with the emotions that run high throughout a whole weekend, there tends to be a moment where I finally break.

My anxiety embarrasses me.  I hate for people to see me cry.  I hate thinking that people are judging me because of my anxiety.  I am afraid that people are thinking that I am just looking for attention, and I am afraid that people think they have to walk on eggshells around me because of it.

One of the reasons why I am willing to talk about it is because for years I thought I was the only person who dealt with anxiety.  Growing up it was hard to keep friends because of it.  Who wants to be friends with a crybaby?  So I learned to hide it as best as I could.  If I feel a panic attack coming on, I try to sneak away until I can get a control of my emotions.  Without being on anxiety drugs, it is harder to calm down.  I want others who may also deal with anxiety to understand that they are not alone and to never be afraid to talk to others about it if help is needed.

What the trigger was is not important, but while I was in the suite with everyone I felt my panic rise and I started having difficulty breathing.  Trying to remain calm, I smiled and laughed with everyone as I slowly got up and moved to the door in hopes of being able to sneak out unnoticed.  I headed down to our suite and moved into our bedroom.  Still feeling that I was too exposed, I locked myself into our bathroom and sat in our tub as I cried and tried to gain control of myself.  I’m not sure how long I was in the bathroom, but I eventually managed to calm myself down enough to get out and move towards getting a bottle of water.

Apparently I did not escape completely unnoticed.  When I opened the bathroom door I noticed that Kor-E was in the room waiting for me to come out.  When I saw him I instantly teared up again embarrassed to have been caught.  He and I had a long talk and even played a bit.  I was feeling better after our talk, but the well had been tapped and I knew that I would need some more time before I would be ready to face everybody.

Pubsie came down and gave me a big hug, and I asked him to leave me alone for a bit.  Until I was able to pass the eye makeup test (not crying with eye makeup on!), I didn't want to go downstairs and I didn't want him to think he had to stay and babysit me while a party was going on.  I was afraid of people noticing that something was wrong.

I was hiding in the room when my beautiful wifey came in.  She hadn't realized that I had been hiding and she was quick to provide a big hug.  We were able to talk and I was finally starting to feel normal again.  With Pubsie texting me to come down to the suite parties, and Aurora’s ‘lovin’, I finally felt like I could come back to joining everyone.

For those of you who know me, you know I smoke.  I have manage to stop smoking but have a few triggers that I have not yet gotten past.  One hurdle was not smoking at a spanking party.  I was doing so well that I actually felt like I could brag about it.  I figured if I told people I wasn't smoking I would make sure that I wasn't smoking.  After this anxiety attack I only had one thing on my brain.  Get a cigarette and REALLY relax.

Of course the first cigarette I was able to bum, out came YS, Beth, and Ellee.  That was the end of my bragging.  I do wish I could have gone a whole spanking weekend without smoking, but considering I normally go through a pack and half a party weekend, the two cigarettes (the second smoke is for a later story) that I had were a strong start and hopefully the next party I can make it the whole weekend. 

Finally feeling up to seeing people, I took a deep breath and headed down to join the Sunday night suite party in 460.

Shadowlane Part IV

If you just got here:

Part I    Part II   Part III

After our detention, Aurora and I headed back to our room to change and go join the suites.   I was looking forward to visiting both Tom and Joe’s suites and I am always grateful that they are willing to open up their suites to entertain the spanking masses.  We headed to Tom’s suite first and right away I saw YS and he gestured for me to come over to him.  I have gotten to know YS and Ellee over the past two years and YS and I had never played before.  I was so excited that he had asked me and the two of us ducked into one of the side bedrooms.  YS claims that he is a converted vanilla,  but I do not believe that!  He spanks way too good to be a vanilla at heart.  ;)  We had such a lovely scene with both his hand and his belt, and of course some giggles mixed in.  First Tom had walked into the bedroom to let us know that pizza had arrived.  I said, “Thanks, Tom”  and we started laughing at the thought of stopping the scene to run and grab some pizza and then continuing with said pizza in hand.  Of course a few minutes later I turned my head to the side and saw a man standing in the doorway eating a piece of pizza without a plate, leering at our scene.  I could not help but start laughing again.  

YS was very perceptive.  I tend to tense up when playing with someone new, and he called me out on it.  However, as he was spanking me with his belt he told me that if he wanted “to go hard, I needed to relax so I could take it.”  I couldn't help myself and blurted out, “THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!” and we both started laughing.  We finished our scene where he provided wonderful rubs and aftercare.  I was so happy that we had been able to play and am looking forward to doing it again!

 We moved from suite to suite and then headed back to 1016 to hang out and visit.  Sweet little Beth had been acting a bit feisty and I am not one hundred percent sure how this happened, but next thing I knew Beth was threatening to hairbrush Stacy and Heather promised to take ten swats from Beth if Beth was able to give Stacy all ten.  Watching Beth be drunk with power was hilarious.  After every swat she would make an evil grin and then proceed to make a speech.  She made it through Stacy’s hairbrushing and grinned wildly at Heather.  For someone reason, Heather’s agreement was changed from 10 to 20, and over Beth’s lap she went.  Beth once again continued with her monologues, but this time it was accompanied with pushing Heather’s head down onto the bed every time she lifted it up.  It felt good to laugh so hard.  :)

Back into the main living room of the suite, a few handful of people were still hanging around.  I asked Heather if she would mind if I used the restroom in her bedroom.  I was washing my hands when I heard a loud bang, and I wasn’t 100% sure what the sound was.  I walked out to the living room and… it was empty.  At first I thought that everyone was hiding (not unusual for this group), but a quick peek around the hotel made me realize… they had forgotten about me.   The loud bang I heard must have been the door closing.   Slightly hurt and slightly amazed that OUR group could move so fast, I went down a floor hoping to find people in the suites.  Kor-E ended up finding me first, and led me to Joe’s suite where everyone was at.  I ask, “What the crap!? You left me in the bathroom!!??”  There was some laughter but I knew that I would have my day in court!

Another late night and after hanging out a bit we slowly all moved towards bed.  We had another busy day ahead of us!

XII: Saying Goodbye the Socially Awkward Spanko Way

This picture belongs further down, but I would rather have this pop up on the blog lists than the blister one!

This is my last party entry!  If you missed any click here:

Part I            Part V        Part IX

Part II        Part VI      Part X

Part III        Part VII       Part XI

Part IV        Part VIII       Part XII

After the awesome scene we all headed back down towards the suite parties.  I was loopy and a little out of it, but I'm pretty sure I had a huge dopey grin on my face.  Kor-E managed to take my hand and pull me over his knee.  I felt really bad because I was starting to come down and the reality of the spanking I just took was starting to hit.  I was sore.  I had a few spots in particular that really hurt even when just lightly touched.  One on my sit spot turned out to be a blister.  I literally had my bottom blistered!

An actual blister!!!!

Kor-E was barely touching me and I couldn't help but say, "Ouch!  Ow! Ow!"  He laughed and said that the ouchies were music to his ears!  I was still loopy from the scene before, but it was nice to Kor-E to cool me down.  I almost fell asleep over his lap I was so relaxed! Then he would touch an ouchie spot with his fingernails!  Even the nicest tops are really super mean. ;)

A group of our friends were sitting in the hallway outside of a suite room.  With my husband being there, I curled up next to him and put my head on his lap.  I'm not sure if I actually fell asleep, but he was pushing for me to go to bed.  I hate going to bed when everyone is still up.  I feel like I will miss something!!  He tricked me into going back to our room and lying on the bed to apply arinca and lotion to combat some of the bruising.  Once I was face down on the bed, I fell asleep and was not going back out to the party.  :(

Waking up came all too soon.  Apparently our hotel was trying to get back at us for our late night smacking sounds and decided to start drilling and hammering on the ceiling above us!  It was torture!!!  Who the hell drills and hammers above hotel rooms at 7 fucking am?  I was so tired that after tossing and turning, I was able to put a pillow around my ears and fall back asleep.  When I would wake the second time, the drilling would be finished.

Heather, Publikk, and I slowly started to pack up all the scattered clothing items and implements around our room.  Publikk and I had a few hours before we had to leave for our flight, and Uncle OS had extended his room stay and was nice enough to let us stick our suitcases in there before checkout.  Hugs farewell are the hardest things for me to do.  Sarah_Rocks and PPD were able to sneak away early in the morning without me balling my eyes out to her.  Poor jules wasn't as lucky!  I gave Uncle Mike and Aunt Miranda a huge hug and walked down to the lobby with jules to say goodbye.  I hate that we all live so far apart from one another.  I hate more that I work a job with such crappy pay that doesn't allow me to be able to visit everyone as much as I would like!  We gave final hugs and turned away to meet with some stragglers for lunch at the hotel buffet.

Strictdave, Stacy, Uncle OS, Ellee, Beth, YoggSothoth, Heather, Maria, Kor-E, Publikk and I took over a table to enjoy our last minute company with each other.  I was able to witness how evil StrictDave really is when poor little Ellee came bouncy back to the table with a bowl of ice cream and sprinkles and he decided to dump his left over shrimp legs into it!  The tragic look on her face was adorable and I felt so bad for her.  Luckily he set it right by getting her another bowl of ice cream with sprinkles.

Publikk and I were talking about taking one last walk on the boardwalk when he knocked over what I thought was water (it was sprite!) all over me.  My pants were soaked and uncomfortable and I had no desire to walk around with wet jeans for the rest of the day.  I asked Uncle OS if it was okay to use the hair dryer in his room to try and dry my pants.  On the way up I ran into my lovely mistress/wifey/ the Power Aurora and had to stop and give big hugs.  Aurora was starting a new adventure of her own this week moving her even farther way from me.  :(  I teared up saying goodbye and left shivering thanks to the stupid wet sprite pants.

I was able to get the hair dryer going and helped lessen the yuck of the sprite pants, but at that moment I decided to ruin any pleasant good bye I could have had by knocking over a bottle of red nail polish and having it shatter all over my foot and the floor of the hotel bathroom.  I was horrified at the huge mess I had just made and starting shrieking, "OH! OH! OH!"  StrictDave, Publikk, and Ellee came running to see what was wrong, and it took them a second to realize it wasn't blood all over my foot, but nail polish!  If you have ever spilled nail polish before, you know what a bitch it is to clean up.  I was in full panic/horror mode because I felt so horrible that my klutziness managed to make a disaster of a mess right before we had to leave.  I ran and got some paper towels, picked glass out of my foot, and tried to wipe up as much as the nail polish I could.  Panicking I sent Publikk to run down to the store and pick up some nail polish remover and I fought back tears as I tried my hardest to clean the mess up.  Stacy came upstairs and saw my mess and grabbed some nail polish remover pads and began to help me clean up the floor.  I felt horrible in making her help and by using up all her nail polish remover.  We were able to get the majority of the nail polish off the ground, and in retrospect it really wasn't that big of a disaster as I felt it to be, but it's those types of dumb klutzy things that I do that make me nervous that everyone will shun me and leave being mad at me.

Because I felt horrible, I couldn't help but apologize a million times.  Apparently I was apologizing too much, and Kor-E felt the need give me a "proper" goodbye/reminder to not apologize too much. Then when I called Publikk to let him know he didn't need to buy the nail polish remover, I kept apologizing to him on the phone because I felt bad ruining HIS last moments.  Apparently I was told that if I apologized one more time I would get the hairbrush, and even then I continued to say I was sorry.  I couldn't help it!  I felt so guilty and I still feel guilty.  I was then bent over the chair and given the most confusing hairbrush spanking ever!  I had to say I wasn't sorry, but then I kept apologizing for saying I'm sorry!!  So I was sorry for being sorry and that didn't help either!  At least it made me giggle and stop freaking out!

The sorry I'm sorry spanking!  Photo by the lovely Stacymacy

For the record and I promise the final time I will say it, I really am sorry that that was how I managed to end our time together!  I'm sorry that I broke the nail polish, shrieked, and made a huge mess.  I am sorry that I left glass and nail polish all over the bathroom floor.  I am sorry that I used up all the nail polish remover wipes and made Publikk run to the store to grab some more when he didn't need to.  I'm sorry I used up several paper towels and potentially made the maids super angry and would have caused them to file extra charges to the room for my klutziness.  I am so sorry that I caused that huge mess moments before we had to leave.

It was time for last minute hugs and there were so many people that I wanted to hang on to and never let go.  That final goodbye and party drop is the worse.  I do not have many close vanilla friends, especially in the town I currently live in.  To have found so many wonderful, lovely people who as a bonus happen to be spankos too, and then sprinkle them all over the country far away from me is one of the cruelest tortures the universe has thrown my way.

Publikk and I left the suite floor for the last time and met up with Melville who would be flying back home with us.  The hour and a half to the airport was spent chatting and discussing the wonderful weekend.  I sat in the back of the van as we drove lost in my emotions and thoughts.  I sent a few texts in an attempt to hold on to the awesome weekend and began jotting down any notes and memories from the weekend that I could in order to help organize my thoughts.  I felt the soreness of the weekend as I sat in the van, moved around the airport, and settled down onto the plane.  I smiled to myself as I leaned against my Pubsie and tried not to let myself cry the whole way home.

Thank you to EVERYONE who made my weekend as amazing as it was.  I love you all so much and have bought some lottery tickets in the hope of being able to someday buy the spanking island commune for all of us.

BBW Part VII: It is not always rainbows and butterflies

I hesitated in writing this part, but I would be lying to myself if I didn't tell my whole party story.  I want to try and stay positive because overall, the weekend was amazing. However, this is a real incident and it was a hard lesson for me.  I let it get to me much more than I should have let it, and unfortunately it is still there, nagging at me, sometimes screaming at me, hoping to ruin all the happiness this weekend gave me.  I know I am being over-dramatic, but sadly I cant help it.  Negative thoughts about myself are always on my brain no matter how hard I try to suppress them.  The worse part is when they convince me that they are true.

I have been going to the major parties for the last six years now.  In all those six years, I have not once asked a person to play.  I have never been able to do it.  Not ONCE in six years.  

If you know me, you know how neurotic I am.  I don't understand why anyone would ever want to play with me.  I'm not very pretty,  I'm not very skinny, and I am ridiculously awkward to the point of embarrassment.  Yet, without sounding completely like a preadolescence teenage girl, I really,really want people to like me.  If I think someone is mad at me I will instantly start to cry and I worry what other people think constantly.  It is never good and I always need to be reassured once I get a bad thought stuck in my head.  Unfortunately, as much as I need the reassurance, my brain screams, "quit being such a needy bitch" and since I hate coming off as needy, I will hide and cry to myself until the moment has finally passed.  

Apparently that night I was feeling very brave and maybe for once in my life, secure and confident.  In the wee hours of Sunday morning, I asked a top to play.  I did!  All by myself.  And then he said no.

I'm not writing this to be mean about him, he was a perfect gentleman about it.  He doesn't know what a neurotic freak I am.   He probably dodged a bullet!  I refuse to even admit his name to anyone.  However, it was everything I feared an answer would be, if I ever became brave enough to ask. Having your worst thoughts proven to be true sucks. Trying not to cry, I turned away so he couldn't see the disappointment on my face.  I chose at that moment that it was time for me to walk away from the party and go to bed.

I don't blame him for saying no. I wouldn't want to play with me either.  I am glad that I was brave enough to finally ask someone.  I survived and now I know what will happen.  However, I do not ever see myself ever being brave enough to ask anyone ever again, lol.  Maybe in another six years...

BBW Part VI: Saturday Night Suite Parties and THE POWER!

Just in case you missed them:

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Part V

The Saturday night suites were hopping as people began to assemble on the suite floor.  The sound of smacks echoing throughout the hallway is always an amazing sound to hear.  

Boardwalk Badness Weekend always attracts a large number of British Spankos and I can't help myself when it comes down to their accents.  I'm not sure if it is just an American thing, but listening to certain accents just make me happy, and British accents are definitely a favorite of mine! 

I have known jcspanks for several parties now, but have never managed to play with him.  Mostly it is because I am terrified to ask people to play and never want to bother people and a bunch of other crazy neurotic reasons that make absolutely no logical sense to anyone other than me!  Lucky for me, Mr. Jcspanks came up and told me that we weren't going to miss each other at this party! I walked into Dirk's suite and the two of us went into the bedroom and enjoyed a wonderful scene with hand spanks, straps, and my favorite, the cane.  Once Jcspanks discovered that I love being caned, he provided plenty of stripes and even called over the lovely ouchkiss to share her expertise!  Jcspanks was so great that he even tried to help set up a caning scene between Mr. Allen and myself!  Unfortunately, with everything going on we were unable to connect, but it is on my must do list for the next party!

A British Invasion would not be complete without the chance to play with my favorite ex-Brit Rich!  Friday night we attempted to set up a "power hour" with Rich, but unfortunately he was too tired to even try to handle the awesomeness that is us, and he went to bed early to prepare for his class at the boardwalk academy.  We were NOT going to miss this chance on Saturday.  

I managed to get Aurora, Sarah_Rocks, and I together and texted Rich to meet us and take advantage of my suite floor room!  All weekend I would hear Heather and Publikk occupying the room and decided to grab my chance and be one of the cool suite floor kids.  Publikk was in one of the suites and Heather was in the hallway, so you can imagine my surprise when I walked in our room and a scene was going on!  At first I was just embarrassed for interrupting, however, then I was confused.  I mean, if Publikk was down there and we were right here, who was in the room?

Luckily Heather first realized that it was the lovely Stepfordwife who came through the secret door that connected our rooms.  We all giggled and Heather was whisked into the room!  

A quick change of location decision put us in Rich and Missy's room and Rich found himself with The POWER and Pulls_Panties_Down.  I think it is safe to say that PPD still suffers from Post Traumatic Power Disorder and is a bit grouchy when it comes to the power!

Rich knowing our love of canes compared the three of us to Goldielocks!  Sarah_Rocks the girl he has never caned.  Aurora, the girl he canes occasionally, and me!  The girl he canes all the time!!

I bent over the bed as Rich proceeded to give me a nice long caning session.  Missy came back into the room at some point and starting playing with my hair while I was being caned.  I was in heaven!  I almost fell asleep, but then Missy mentioned (as part of a conversation) that she was curious about someone being caned to the point of bleeding.  I lifted my head at that point and she reassured me that this was not the make a wish foundation and she wasn't asking ME to be sliced.  ;)

It was such a wonderful scene.  My bestie wives, the adorable Missy, and my favorite egotist!  I was extremely giddy and loopy afterwards which I think ended up contributing to my feeling brave and actually for the very first time in six years of party adventures, asking a top to play with me.  

Boardwalk Badness Weekend Part III: The Vendor's Fair and Friday Night Suite Parties

In case you missed them:

Part I

Part II

The Friday night Vendor's Fair is always hopping at BBW!  Publikk and I walked around looking at the different vendors and giving hugs to friends that we haven't seen in what feels like forever.  The beautiful Beth Eisley was selling her panties and I bought the cutest pair of woven fox panties that she hand made herself!  I was looking for a picture of the pair I bought, but you can see her current panties selection at: http://madebysomebunny.weebly.com/.  Excited I folded the pair up and stuck them in my purse for later... which would turn into a story all on its own.

Beth Panties!  

I do have one Vendor Fair regret and I blame my nerves with meeting new people on this.  Stepfordwife brought a collection of beautiful vintage dresses to sell at the vendors fair.  There was an awesome fashion show that showed off the amazing dresses and many of the girls were buying their madmen themed dresses for the Saturday night banquet.  Everyone who bought a dressed looked absolutely amazing in them. Unfortunately, I was too nervous to walk over and interrupt all the the girls selling and buying.  I chickened out and ended up missing out on a great opportunity.  Sometimes it is the silliest things that make me so nervous and I hate it.  I keep promising myself that I will get braver and make it through one party without freaking out over something, crying over something stupid, having a panic attack, and introducing myself to new people that I would very much like to get to know better!  That didn't happen at this party, LOL.

New to the Vendor's fair this year was the "Bad Girl Corner,"  suggested by Stacy (!!!!) and run by OlympiaSpanker.  The top filled out a slip as to why the girl needed to stand in the corner and the bottom was suppose to sign the slip before turning it in.  However, the slip just said "Bottom's signature."  It didn't specify the bottom in trouble, so, I happily signed PPD's slip to put Sarah_Rock's in the bad girl corner!  :-D  Sarah_Rocks, however, didn't think it was that funny and dragged Publikk off to make up some lame reason as to why I needed to go to the bad girl corner as well.  Called up to the stage, I was made to stand in the corner only to find out that Mr. Stephen Lewis would be administrating my bad girl spanking.  *Swoon!*  I have had a spanko crush on him for a long time, and in typical S.A.S. fashion,  I giggled like a nervous, obnoxious, dumbass at the chance of getting to play with him instead of soaking in the moment as much as I could!

Shortly after the bad girl corner, the Vendor's Fair Angels and Demons contest was to get started.  After doing the last three vendor fair contests, I asked nicely not to participate in it again.  Well, actually I was really tired and cranky at a party over the summer and whined to Uncle Mike about how I hated it and never wanted to do it again.  After that, the proper way to back out was...uh...discussed and I politely requested not to partake this year.  I decided to use the time to provide Richard Windsor with an extra set of hands during the sale, catch up, and show him the proper way to sell DVDs. ;)  The angels ran away with the contest having run out of poker chips and quickly trying to make up more!

Publikk and I went back up to our room to freshen up for the parties in the suite.   I am really grateful that Heather offered to share her suite with us.  Not only did we get to share our room with an awesome lady, but we didn't have far to go when it came to the suite parties.   We were really spoiled this year! Anyway, It was at that moment, that I took out the adorable Beth panties and realized that I had not one, but TWO pairs of her panties!!!!  I was horrified!!!!!!!  I felt so bad that I instantly texted Beth to let her know that I took a pair.  Of course her response was to tease me and call me a thief, but I still felt horrible!!!  I had images of someone wanting the same panties and me having stolen the last in her size.  I carefully folded them up and placed them in our cabinet until I could return the panties to her.

 We headed down the hall and popped into Dirk's suite.  Dirk is amazingly generous and willingly opens his suite and bar tab to the majority of the party. I can't remember if this was Thursday night, or Friday night, but IMLX managed to get a hold of me and spanked my while scolding me in Russian.  I do not speak Russian and he could have been saying anything to me, however, getting scolded in Russian is amazing.  IMLX is one of the sweetest guys in the scene and is so fun to play with.  I was glad that we were able to catch up again at this party!

Pulls_Panties_Down is another gem of a top that I love to play with.  He pulled me over his lap on the couch and started to provide me with a wonderful hand spanking.  However, towards the end of the spanking, Miss Aurora mentioned "The Power" and PPD whispered back "THERE  WILL BE NO POWER."  I am pretty sure that it would take an entire blog post to explain what "The Power" is and still have no one understand, but at that moment I was inspired to do our trademark "The Power" soar for freedom.  Mr. PPD however, is no stranger to the power considering it is his fault "The Power" exists in the first place!  As I soared off the couch I felt a grab at my ankles and a pull, with a "NO MORE POWER" scold.  Now I was kneeling on the couch as PPD took off his London Tanner's belt and gave me a few licks.  It is a very nice belt, but it REALLY needs to be broken in more.  Hopefully he was able to help it along during the rest of the weekend!

The rest of Friday night passed in a blur as people played, talked, and entertained one another.  It would be close to 4am before I would crawl into bed in order to be up and ready for the new Boardwalk Academy event taking place at 11 sharp the next morning.

What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

Or something like that.

I go by a name in the scene that I picked out just because I liked it.  It is simple, cute, easy to rhyme, and is a good description of how I come across as a person.  I've been given many additional nicknames, all which I love due to my friends creating those names for me.  I'm not trying to "reinvent' myself by naming this blog SaS, it is just an honest description of who I am.  A description that humors many and horrifies me.

See, I am very awkward.  I try to play it off, but I have always been different.  Not only just a spanko freak, but I am a girl that has no filter and I am plague with anxiety and self esteem issues.  I do not always know how to act in situations, especially those that involve meeting new people.  I am very aware of the fact that I say (and do) stupid and uncomfortable things, and there is nothing I can do but own that fact.   Sometimes I am grateful that I am fully aware of my lack of social awareness (maybe I can change!) other times I feel that ignorance would truly be a bliss.  Meeting new people causes me to break out into a cold sweat, my heart starts to pump and I smile creepily as I pray to myself that I don't say anything offensive OR stupid.  I always hope that the people I am meeting don't realize how clumsy my words are until after they get to know me.  Then maybe they will think my silly faux pas are an endearing quality of my overall personality and not a gruesome turnoff.

I am very fortunate to have met many wonderful scene people who have become amazing friends.  They are my family.  I met my husband through the scene and we enjoy traveling to parties both large and small.  In my head though, there is always a little voice telling me that I don't really fit in.  I fight with this voice for entire parties.  It hits me hard in both the spanking and vanilla worlds.  As needy and crazy as it sounds (even to me), I worry that people are mad at me for something and I just don't know why.  Or they put up with me because one person likes me and they don't want to hurt their feelings.  I am aware enough to tell this voice in my head to shut up, but then I get anxious about being too anxious and worry that people will think I'm too needy...without ever saying any of this aloud.  

Crazy, right?

Over the years I have become much better at developing my cooping skills, but my anxiety still lingers and will always be a part of my life. To help myself enjoy more out of life, I finally decided to own it.  Laugh at myself instead of cry.  I give hugs and refuse to dwell on the nagging thoughts of whether I am being hugged back or pushed away.   Share those cringe worthy moments, because even I eventually (after my mortification fades ;) ) see the humor in what I accidentally do.

So here I shall share these tales.  Both for the amusement of my readers (which I will hopefully have) and to cleanse my soul.  Welcome to my adventures of living as a socially awkward spanko.