I have a problem...

A pajama problem.  I love pajamas.  I love the soft fleece feel.  I love the snuggles and I LOVE DROPSEATS!

While my husband and I were walking through Walmart, I noticed that they had put out the winter pajamas.  I was eyeing these sheep jammies and pawing through looking for these cat pajamas that I missed out on buying last year.  I was bummed because the kitty pajamas had a hood with ears and a tail!

So, I'm looking through the pajamas when I found a pair of green ones that said, "I'm a frog!  Look behind!"  Could it be???  Was Walmart carrying dropseat jammies!!!!????


YES!

I couldn't help myself.  I bought two.  A frog and a fox.

This is one happy SAS.

When Vanilla Life Gets You Down...

I'm going through a bit of a rough patch.  It's vanilla and boring, so I wont get into all of that.  It just really sucks and I have no outlet.  I have to ride this roller coaster over and over not knowing when, or if I will be able to get off the ride.

It is during these moments that my spanking desires are at an all time high.  Yes, I have my normal happy spanking thoughts, but lately much darker, more masochistic desires have been developing in my mind.  I want to be spanked, yes, but I want it to hurt.  I want my hair pulled, my arm grabbed.  I want to be roughly held down as the spanking begins.  I want a cane slashing, belt cracking scene where I feel something other than what I have been feeling.

Most importantly is "I want to feel something other than what I have been feeling."

The annual FMS Tropical Beach Party is coming up soon.  Unfortunately, we will have to miss this year due to a vanilla commitment.  I am bummed because I always have a great time and many of my favorite people will be there.  It would have provided with me the chance to get the snot beaten out of me too.  ;-)

I am lucky that I am married to a spanko, so I do get play more than most.  However, anything and anyone attached to the vanilla issue would end up putting me in a different head space and I would not be able to escape the issue.

I guess my whiny post comes down to these questions.  Have any of you spanked or have been spanked just to escape your problem for a while?  Have you been ever played rough just to feel something other than what you have been feeling?

Can someone hurry up and invent a teleportation device already?

BBW Part IX: The "I Luv Adult Speaking" Cruise

My posts are getting ridiculous, LOL!  If you missed any, start here:

Part I

After leaving the restaurant I was feeling like I had the rug pulled out from underneath me.  Then it took a while for Publikk and I to find our car, plus we were pushing it close to catching the shuttles to the cruise, and I was really tired from the lack of sleep of the weekend... a panic attack was beginning to build inside of me.  All I really wanted was to sit in my room and compose myself and of course it was at that moment that the maids happened to be cleaning our room. 

With Publikk having to do something and me with no place to go holding a bag of Italian food, I wandered down to Joe and Ten's suite to offer up the leftovers for the party suite.  Ten saw the look on my face and could figure that there was something wrong with me.  Even though she had to get down to the shuttle service with Joe, she pulled me into their bathroom and helped me calm down.  I am very grateful for Ten because had I had a full blown panic attack, I would most likely have decided to skip out on the cruise!

With my room finally being free I was able to put on warmer clothes for the boat ride.  It was such a nice day, but I knew that once that sun went down it would be too cold for this southern living girl!

This was the first BBW where we were able to stay until Monday!  Normally we need to leave way too early on Sunday and miss out on many of the fun things going on.  The I Luv Adult Speaking Cruise was something I had been looking forward to for weeks!

There were three scheduled shuttle runs to the boat, all organized by cousin Joe with his clipboard and captain's hat.  Publikk and I had to be split up, but we were at the boat in no time.  120 Spankos climbed on ready for a spanking boat ride!  We hadn't even left the harbor yet and people were already starting to play. RainySpanker and PPD spent the weekend doing this weird redneck accent that unfortunately did sound like the people from the town I currently work in. :-P  RainySpanker found it pertinent to strap me for all that "sass" that comes out of my mouth.  Afterwards he bet me I couldn't not sass for five minutes!  I decided that I just wouldn't speak and smirked at him for the five minutes.  Even with the jokes about how, "hyuck hyuck! We got her quiet."  I continued to stand there quietly smirking at RainySpanker.  When he told me the five minutes were up, I continued to stand there quietly and smirk at him. It took another minute, but then he realized by purposely not saying a word and smirking I was providing plenty of sass.  It's a gift to be able to sass without having to say a word at all!!

As the boat started moving, Publikk said that he had never spanked anyone on a boat before.  I asked him if he wanted to. ;)  He pulled me over his lap and proceeded to give me his first ever boat spanking.  As silly as it is, it still makes me happy that we still have first moments that we get to share with each other.  It also surprised me that this was the first time we had played with each other all weekend.  I know that we see each other everyday, but I still like to be able to play and share the special party mojo with each other as well!

The boat took off into the harbor and the weather was beautiful!  The sounds of smacks echoed throughout the ship and Publikk and I joined the crowd for the drawbridge spanking.  Once passing through the bridge, we noticed a fisherman fist bumping the air, apparently overjoyed at the eyeful he just received!!  We went around the harbor looking at the Atlantic City boardwalk.  At one point Publikk realized that he had not followed through on his threat to spank the power.  Unfortunately for him, both Sarah_Rocks and I were feeling feisty, so I helped fill Sarah with the power as we both flew her off Publikk's lap! Sarah was also nice enough to help Publikk with his sore shoulder.  He is such a stubborn man when it comes to going to the doctor!  Luckily the lovely Elleebutt was there to get all toppy and lecture him.  Somehow that turned into both of us being bent over and spanked together.  All because we tried to help someone be a better person!!

The cruise ended as the sun was setting and the captain made a joke about seeing hundreds of moons on this trip but for to look at the one beautiful sunset. Of course as predicted, once the sun set, I did begin to freeze.  Luckily, the people on the second floor of the boat huddled in a circle for comfort and warmth.  It was such a great way to end the evening.

Getting off the boat, we didn't even have to wait for a shuttle!  Strict Dave and Ellee brought a rental car and offered us a ride back to the hotel.  I was so grateful, because at that point I was already starting to shiver violently.  It is amazing how fast your blood thins when you move to the south. 

Thank you Joe and Ten for organizing an amazing boat ride.  Dedicating it to Marc just made it even more special!

BBW Part V

If you missed them:

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

The "missing" key fiasco ended up taking up much of my time and I was due to serve my Power Hour of security at lunch with Aurora and Sarah_Rocks.  I am still not sure how Aurora convinced Tom to give us a full hour together, but it worked!  I decided to just rock the school girl outfit until I needed to change for the vendors fair.  I felt bad sending people without their badge back to their rooms, but unfortunately those are the rules.  It is hard to keep track of everyone and a few vanillas did try to sneak in and steal our sammiches!

A few weeks prior to BBW, I made a joke about tackling anyone who tried to pass us without a badge.  Apparently this was seen as cute from Spank33 and Rainyspanker.  Unfortunately for them I am a former Rugby player with excellent tackling skills!  ;)  Seeing the shocked look on these men's faces (especially Rainyspanker!) was the highlight of our Power Hour.  As great as we were for our entire hour of security, we seemed to have a backup security to protect us with Publikk, Pulls_Panties_Downs, and Rainyspanker lurking behind us.  COMPLETELY unneeded!

We did have one incident!  Mike Tanner and jules showed up without their badges and Mike said he didn't need his badge because he was the "Head Mother Fucker in Charge!"  Sounds like a court case to me.  

After lunch I fell asleep and managed to wake up with enough time to catch the end of the uniform top event.  Even though I do not participate in the event, it is so much fun to watch! There were so many tops being dragged off and manhandled by the female bottoms.  I could not help but laugh!  IMLX was dressed as a scientist and pulled me over to the side to bend me over a chair and scold me in Russian again.  I cannot get enough of it!  It's nice to be pulled aside even though I wasn't part of the official event.

We had a little bit of down time before we needed to get ready for the Madmen themed banquet dinner.  A small group of us decided to wander out to the beach bar and enjoy our company, some snacks, and drinks!   My favorite part about these weekends are not the actual spankings, lol.  It's the part where we all hang out and enjoy each others company as the amazing people we are.  The added kinky secret that we all share is just the icing on the cake!

After a while we realized that we better hurry upstairs if we want to have enough time to get ready for the dinner!  This year's theme was Madmen and the outfits everyone was wearing looked so classy.  As a group we clean up quite well!  I myself was wearing a turquoise polka dotted dress with white gloves and, dun-dun-dun... white high heals.   Torture.  I'm not the most graceful person and I rarely wear heals.  I decided the shoes were theme appropriate and would attempt to rock them.  Then I remembered that it had been so long since I last wore heals and didn't really walk in them very well.  I spent most of the evening trying not to slip and fall backwards on my ass.  

Dinner was nice and we were entertained with videos including one that a large group of us got together and filmed at the Christmas SSNY party.  I was asked to revise my role as "Pantiesinabunch" and happily played my bitchy, foul mouthed altered ego.  I am worried that people are going to start thinking that I am actually that bitchy in person!!  We had our first BBW wedding, and Mike Tanner made a nice speech where he honored many of the married spankos who were together at the party.  It was very sweet.  

After dinner Buzzy entertained us with his wonderful music selections and people danced and played the night away.  Rainyspanker dragged me off to play and Hornybastard came up and asked me to play as well.  I had just met hornybastard this weekend and he was such a nice guy that I was looking forward to playing with him.  We had a nice scene, but then at the end he went to flip me up and over and my shoes got caught. Classy SAS went flying backwards off his lap, into the curtain behind us with feet waving in the air.  Luckily Rainyspanker was in the curtain next to us and not a total stranger.  I was mortified and HB looked horrified and all we could both do was apologize to each other before cracking up and laughing.  If anything, I think the first scene where we played together will be one for the memory books!

IMLX was nice enough to ask me to dance and the BBW twerk team had a great time leading the dance floor!  The company was great, and it was fun to watch all the couples dance together.  Soon enough the heals were begging to be kicked off and traded for flipflops and the suites were calling our name!  Publikk and I headed up to our room to change and get ready for another of fun and play!

DD and Marriage; is it possible to achieve, or am I just too stubborn?

I think it is pretty safe to say that I am pretty into spanking.

When I first ventured into the scene, I thought the only type of spankings that existed were discipline spankings and that in order to achieve said goal, bratting was the only way to do it.  I didn't really do anything "bad" that needed a spanking, so being annoying seemed the way to go.

Only, I HATED being a brat.  Pranks and tricks are not my thing.  Being sassy has always been apart of who I am, but my making a smart ass comment doesn't necessarily mean I am trying to get a spanking.  I'm just being me.

\

Funishment:  Naughty Baker

As my scene life evolved, I eventually learned that I am much more comfortable doing role plays for (using Richard Windsor's word) funishment.  It's fun, playful, and it is not something real that I may have done.  I am able to satisfy my needs and hopefully my partner's needs as well.


In reality, growing up and even growing up in my scene life, I never really needed any type of discipline type spankings.  I do my job, I am a safe driver, I tend not to be irresponsible, and I would never intentionally do something to hurt a person I care about's feelings.  That is not me.


When my husband and I first began our relationship, real discipline spankings were sprinkled into it.  I could tell back then it wasn't his favorite thing to do, and as our relationship grew into more than just "spanko" playmates, we became equals.  I do understand that many women enjoy taking a submissive role to their husbands, but I had been taking care of myself for so long, I wasn't able to be in a relationship where I felt subservient to my partner.  My husband does take care of me, but any major decisions in our life is discussed between us and decided together.

Funishment:  Naughty Baker

Eventually discipline type spankings disappeared from our relationship completely, and I was okay with that.

So I thought.

There were a few items that I asked my husband to help me with, but he never kept up with it.  I called him out on it and he let me know that he didn't think I really wanted a DD type relationship in our marriage, and the punishment aspect of spanking just doesn't seem to work with us.  I agreed and let it go.  I didn't want my husband to do anything he didn't feel comfortable with, it wouldn't be fair to him.

Then last year I did do something that hurt a dear friend of mine and made him very angry with me.  To make a long story short, I did something that I thought was playful, but in reality it annoyed him.  I didn't realize it annoyed him and kept at it until it basically blew up in my face.  I was horrified that I had hurt him and quickly tried to make it right.  Last summer in an unplanned scene, he spanked me for the incident.  It was not the hardest spanking I ever had, but I cried, something I never do during scenes.  I cried not because of the spanking, but because he was so disappointed in me and my actions.  I never want to do that to him again.

Funishment: Top in the  Corner

As much as I hate crying in front of people, and as much as I hated having to have a scene like that, it was also very cathartic.  I did something wrong that hurt someone I love, but instead of dropping me from his life, he punished me and cleared the air between us.  I knew all was forgiven and I wanted to be a better person because of it.  It is one of the most powerful scenes I have ever been a part of.

The scene stayed with me and I began to think about having a DD relationship again.  It hadn't worked in our relationship before, but maybe I changed?  However, even if I had changed would my husband's feelings have changed?  I became jealous of the discipline relationships my husband had with other girls.  To clarify, it wasn't jealousy of his playing with others (we both play with others), I was jealous that when it came to other girls, he could play the part of the disciplinarian and punish them if needed.

Last  May I became sick and was put on a strict diet that until recently, I followed very well.  I was also put on medication for some health issues that I need to take twice a day to avoid becoming sick.  I don't know if it was the holidays or I was just fed up with everything, but I fell off the wagon and I fell hard.  For whatever reason, I suck at taking my medications.  I either forget in the morning, or I forget at night... more than once a week.  I don't mean to forget, but I do.  Then this past week I went back to my doctor where he told me how disappointed he was with me, and I left feeling ashamed of myself.  I felt and still feel actually, like I failed myself.  I hate feeling like a failure and I had no one to blame but myself.

So I asked my husband for help.  I asked him to help me get back on the diet that doesn't make me sick and to make sure I actually take my medication twice a day.   I failed.  I failed horribly.  I am so miserable with myself that I keep chastising myself  and asking myself what the fuck is wrong with me.  Based on what I asked for, I deserve to be punished. However, once again it doesn't look like a punishment relationship will work for us.  I know he hates punishing me for real offensives, but part of me wants to be able to have someone else chastise me and release that pent up self loathing that I form about myself.

I'm curious to know what others think.  Are you able to have a DD relationship with your significant other?  Do you have a significant other who plays with you but not in a disciplinarian type of way?  Do you have a DD relationship with a different partner that is different from the relationship you have with your lover?  Do you have a DD relationship with someone and you are not romantically involved?

I would love to read your thoughts and comments on the subject.

 Funishment:  Christmas Hairbrushing and Dropseat Fun

Your Life Will Never Be Boring

When my husband proposed to me, the one thing he was most often told was "your life will never be boring." I figure I would share one of our "life will never be boring" moments with you:

So my husband was spanking me in a very boring, pat-pat kind of way.  He made up some yadi-yada excuse for it and was blah-blahing some lecture to me, so I decided to check my phone.  Sure enough I had a few text responses!  A little silly banter text wise with a reminder of the time I threw Sarah_Rocks under the bus drew out the threat, "Do we need to have another "chat," young lady?"

Well, I couldn't resist sharing the fact that I currently was having a "chat."  Then to prove my point, I took this "selfie":

I sent it to the group text and smirked to myself at my cleverness.

Then I decided to post it to Fet.  :-D


Of course my husband was all whiny that I would do such a thing.  So I had to show him how to do a "selfie" and then he demanded that we have another "chat".

His version of a "selfie"

Sheesh. What a cranky (copy) pants (cat)!

An Ode to My Girls, and Why Girlfriends Make Life Better

I've never had a lot of friends.  Especially girlfriends.

I was always kind of a tom boy growing up and am a little rough around the edges.  I never was boy crazy, I didn't care about clothes, and I didn't start wearing makeup until I was in college (and even now I only put it on for special occasions).

I tried very hard to fit in when I was in high school.  I pretended I liked bands and I would talk about guys they thought were hot.  I wore what my friends told me to wear and I laughed at all their jokes, even though many were mean and not very funny.  Basically I was their puppet and when I finally spoke up against them I no longer had friends.  It would have been a very lonely year if I didn't have my guys.

Fast forward several years and my girlfriends were still few and far between.  I finally got the courage to come into the scene, and then something amazing happened.

I met the girls.

Suddenly I had girls to laugh with, girls to chat with, and girl hugs coming at me at all angles.   Parties would turn into all night gab fests and giggles. Snugglefests on the bed would be the late night party norm, and silly gags will turn into hilarious stories and longtime running jokes.

Best part?  These girls seemed to like me for me!

I have panic attacks that pop up when I am really nervous about something and am embarrassed when they happen.  I hate crying in front of people, and all panic attacks end with me crying.  As much as I love going to parties, unfortunately I occasionally panic about something (and it is ALWAYS something stupid).  Normally I can hide in my room alone and cry without anyone knowing.  The couple of times I had been caught was with guys and I was horrified.  I was convinced if any of the girls caught me they would avoid me like the plague.

Last Shadowlane I was nervous about something.  I thought I had calmed myself down enough to be okay, but unfortunately right before entering a suite I panicked.  I couldn't breathe and I felt the tears coming.  Not only was I embarrassed that I was panicking about something stupid, I was horrified because I was with a group of my girls.  Not sure what to do, I muttered something about going back to my room, entered the closest stairwell and started crying.

Girls however, don't let other girls run away that easily.  The door opened, and in came two of my girls.  As I started to panic more, hugs and soothing talk came my way.  Instead of laughing at me or rolling their eyes, they calmed me down.  They made me feel better and even talked me into coming back to the party.  They were there for me.

This past weekend I attended the amazing SSNY Christmas Party and was invited to stay in a house in the city with 18 other people.  Super cramp quarters made it hard to escape from any panic attacks.  Long story short, I became nervous about an outfit I said I was going to wear and my anxiety rose to the point of tears.  My poor husband tried to help me as much as he could, but unfortunately when I am like that I can't listen to him. Instead of leaving me alone to freak myself out, he went upstairs and got one of the girls.  When he told her what was going on she quickly came down, and a couple of the other girls who heard what was going on quickly joined her.  Their words and encouragement calmed me down and I realized that I was being stupid.  I never in a million years thought that I would have these amazing ladies in my life.

So in my post party, weepy, cheesy, and droppy sadness, I want to thank all my girls.  From "THE POWER" to my cousins, from tucks to snugglefests on the bed, from giggling when we shouldn't to singing loudly, from piling into cars and other bad idea ideas... thank you.  I could never survive the scene without you and having you in my life makes my life so much better.



 

Sometimes I Just Want It

It was a long work week.  The kind of week where I hate my job and just want to quit.

I'm tired.  I'm cranky.  I don't want to do ANYTHING.

Well, that isn't completely true.

There is ONE thing I want...


The problem is, I know it's been the same type of week for him.

We are both in a place where we are not happy with where we are and what we do.

We want a change and it's a mood killer.

I know what I want... but how do I know that HE wants it too.

What is a girl to do?

I normally get home from work first, and today was one of those days.  I sat on the couch and wondered how to approach it.

Do I just ask?  Do I playfully brat?  Is he too tired to play?

As the clock ticks I wait, and wonder what to do.

Sure enough, he comes home tired.  "I just want to sit for a moment," he says.

So I wait.

I prepare dinner and debate my next move.

I understand where he is coming from.  I feel the same way.  I just want to sit.  Relax.  De-stress from day.

Unfortunately my want is high.  I want to be handled.  I want my hair pulled.  I want to be pulled over his knee, my pants yanked downed, and spanked hard and furiously.

But does he want it too?

Subtle hints don't work.  My fantasy of being dominated is not going to be fulfilled today.  The question in my brain now is, do I give up or do I compromise?

I decide to be assertive.

I walk over to him and smile.  As he smiles back I slowly undo the buckle of my pants and slide them down.  My panties are cute.  White with pink hearts scattered about.  A pair that I know he loves.  I give him a knowing smile as I grab his hands.

"What is this," he asks.

Instead of answering I place myself over his knees.

"I need this tonight," I say.  "Please.  Give me what I need."

He chuckles and smiles down at me.  "You know how to ask," he says.

"Please," I beg.  "Give me what I want."

He slowly pulls my panties down to me knees.  I feel the cool air hit my bare bottom before he begins to rub his hand on my right cheek.  "It is my pleasure," he says.

Then a hard smack. The kind that causes me to gasp and catch my breath.

I smile and close my eyes.  This is what I need.


,