Shadowlane Part XI: My Final Scene of the Weekend

Geez... I'm on post XI already. :-p  Here are all the others if you would like to see what I have been blabbing on about!

                              Part I  Part II  Part III  Part IV Part V 
                             Part VI Part VII Part VIII Part IX Part X

As the suites started to wind down, we slowly started to head up to suite 1016 for our super-overly-competitive-game-time. ;)  As we waited for everyone to show up, StrictDave's blowgun made another appearance.  OS was aiming for a water bottle and managed to dart the chair and the magazine that was the background behind the water bottle. It definitely was much harder to shoot than it looked!  I was very intrigued to try it, and Somaholiday passed on her words of wisdom that was taught to her by StrictDave.  Giving it a try, I managed to nail the water bottle on the first try.  Turns out, I was oddly good at shooting the thing and now I want one!  I'm not a hunter or anything (in fact I like to think that my protein magically shows up packaged at supermarkets as opposed to what really happens), but you never know.  It never hurts to be prepared for the zombie apocalypse. Most likely I will get it and shoot up the shed in my backyard for two months before getting sick of it and never using it again.  :-P

It was nice to hang out and chat, and I was looking up something on my phone when OS asked if we had a few minutes.  Since not everyone was there yet, of course we did.  Me being as dense as I am didn't understand what he was asking, so without looking up from my phone I told him kind of snarkyish if he needed a few minutes, take a few minutes.  "Do what you have to do OS!  We'll wait for you!"  He responded with a "good" and picked up his nasty hairbrush from the coffee table and grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the bedroom.  I protested because I honestly thought he had to use the bathroom or something.  

Inside the bedroom he told me to get in the corner.  I let out a disgruntled noise and shot a dirty look because I hate standing in the corner.  He responded with, "you know how I like you to stand in the corner, so it would be in your best interest to do that!!"

I sighed and stuck my nose in the corner but realized I still had my phone in my hand.  I turned to him and held it up and he took it saying that that was a wise move. I turned my nose back to the corner and he pulled my pj bottoms down to where they were hugging my lower cheeks.  

I do struggle with corner time.  I have a.d.d. and am unable to stand still in one spot for very long.  Corner time has been a battle of my wills vs my desire to please my play partners.  I hate it, but I like that my partners enjoy it and want to please them as well.  Thankfully OS seems to understand not to push and has never made me stand in the same spot for too long.  His tone and demeanor put butterflies in my tummy and I was a tiny bit nervous when he called me over to him.  

He pulled me over his lap and started to spank as he asked me if I knew why I was getting this particular spanking.  In my defense, it was very late Sunday night (technically Monday morning) of a spanking party and thanks to the abnormally long party drought for me between BBW and Shadowlane, I may have done and said a lot of sassy things in the four months between parties.  I was not sure what exactly he was talking about, and I also didn't want to provide any more ammunition just in case I was reminding him about things he didn't think of or things he maybe had forgotten about.  

Slightly amused, he told me to think harder and switched to that nasty hairbrush.  Trying desperately to think up the correct answer, I begged for a timeline.  Slightly smirking he said, "sure!  It was last May!"  I believe that was when the panties came down.

That did help and at first I asked if it was the online detention slips/punishment book shenanigans (it wasn't) and then I remembered the photo.  The Ohio State finger salut.  That brought us closer to the real reason.  Now it was not the picture (he does have a sense of humor) that he was thinking about, but an actual reaction to something I did/texted that was very real and very powerful to me that that was what he was spanking me for.  It is so hard for me to let people get inside my head, and he nailed it.  This was something I struggle with (with everyone, not just him or Spankos) and he had just called me out on it.  

I do not get spanked for real things very often, and by real I mean something I do not do on purpose.  It may seem like such a little thing to anyway else, but for me it was something that I have and continue to battle in my neurotic brain and occasionally get taken advantage of because if it.  When I pulled it on OS, he called it out way back in May, but it didn't register with me at the time.  That is how often I do this. It is second nature and I don't realize I am doing it.  I know it must be frustrating because I am not saying what it is, but this is my blog so you will just have to deal with it. ;)

My mindset had completely changed and I was caught slightly off guard, mostly because that is how rare it is to get in my head and put me into a submissive demeanor.  I was sorry and I no longer knew how to react.

The scolding made my eyes water and I tried very hard to stay focused and do as he asked.  The hairbrush continued to come down as I struggled against the sting of the wood wishing that I had played more during the day to be warmed up enough to take it gracefully.  My mind was still processing pain, scolding, and being disappointed with myself not to be more trusting of someone I adore so much.  

I don't remember ever seeing such a serious look on OS's face before. He took off his belt and told me that he was going to reinforce this lesson with his belt to help me remember in the future.  

I am not sure exactly what is wrong with me, but I do know that if I say the right words our scene will wrap up.  However, I became tongue tied.  I'm not sure if it is my inner stubbornness to test his resolve and see if he really DOES mean it, or the fact that I really felt that I deserved the discomfort, or the fact that my headspace was in the right spot to accept stroke after stroke, but I stayed silent with the exception of shrieks when the belt came down on a particularly tender spot.  The strokes continued with out stopping for quite a while.  I'm not even sure how long he ended up strapping me.  I turned a few times to see if I could catch his eye and possibly end the scene with my "I'm really sorry eyes", but the look and focus on his face was one of a top that wasn't going to stop until I submitted to what he had asked.  

Something in my brain finally clicked and I found my words.  Our scene wrapped up with some remarks, and then because I opened up my big mouth and made some remarks in an attempt to lighten my mood and be funny, I ended up back on the bed for a few more. 

OS told me that my bottom was very red and to go check it out in a mirror.  He was right.  It was the reddest I have seen it in a long time and I actually regret that we didn't get a picture.  I think that almost all the marks I got from the weekend were from this one scene. He gave me a big hug and whispered how he loved me, but as the adrenaline from the scene was wearing off, I was actually shaking and needed to sit down.  OS grabbed me some water as I calmed down and tried to de-fuzz my brain.  Of course in this moment I started apologizing for shaking and because I was just now realizing how long I had let that scene go on when others were waiting for us. I was even told to take a sip of water every time I wanted to say I was sorry, but I really wanted to apologize for being a pain in the ass and not submitting earlier.  He just shook his head and said, "you can't help yourself, can you!?"  I promise to keep working on it!

Thinking back, it was pretty selfish of me to hog up all his time, but it was the type of intensity that I had been craving for a long time and he is one of the few tops that I trust enough to give it to me.  When we went to join the rest of our friends for a night of games, sweet Stacy looked so concerned and she asked me if I was all right. I said yes, and thanked her for being so sweet and kind and nice enough to share her daddy.  Stacy and OS have this beautiful relationship and I know that they do not get to spend as much time together as they would like.  The fact that Stacy is nice enough to share her precious time is something I am incredibly grateful for.  She could easily tell me to go away and I would be more than happy to oblige! It is this kindness that makes us feel as if we are a real family.  We genuinely care for each other.  Heck, it is much nicer than what my real family is capable of giving.  :-P  

The adrenaline was definitely wearing off and I could feel the results of that particular spanking as I sat on the couch to get ready for an intense version of spanko catchphrase!

Shadowlane Part IX: Punished and Dealing with Party Life as a Crazy Person.

Catch up on my other party posts:

         Part I  Part II  Part III  Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII Part VIII

After a nice drive back to the hotel with Dirk and Pubsie, I headed upstairs with a brief stop into the other suite before heading to ours.  While walking down the hallway, I realized that I didn’t have my phone on me.  I assumed that I left the phone in the car, so I asked Pubsie if he could run down and try to catch Dirk before the valet parked his car.

While freshening up, it occurred to me that maybe I had left my phone in the other suite and so I headed back down to 1016.  After knocking Stacy held up my phone and said, “here it is!  Pubsie called and I answered it… he said to tell you that you are in BIG trouble.”

I closed my eyes for a second and said thank you for finding my phone and letting them know it was up here.  OS was laughing because he thought that it was awesome that Pubsie announced that I was in trouble.  We do not have a DD dynamic in our relationship, so Pubsie actually announcing that meant he was REALLY annoyed with me.

After that comment there was no way I was going back to my suite.

 

Rather quickly Dirk and Pubsie arrived at the suite and my one idea was to hide.  Pretty much a classic cousin panicked based plan, I ran into Heather's, Somaholiday's, and OS’s bedroom and darted to the closet.  Why was this a classic cousin plan?  I was trapped without a real plan of action, but at the time I thought it was a great idea!  Since jules was unable to make this party, I apparently began to channel her spirit.  ;)

It worked for a second because Pubsie thought I hid in the bathroom.  However, Dirk checked the closet and pulled me out.  I was feeling horrible when both gentlemen started to scold me.  I did have to yell back, because both men thought it would be funny to make it out much worse than it was and I was already at the point of tears.  They did end up ripping out the back seat of Dirk’s rental car, but luckily no permanent car damage was done.

Pubsie bent me over the bed and took off his belt and began to strap me for the hassle.  OS decided it would be extra helpful to put his ridiculous ginormous hairbrush on the bed.  I glared at him and told him to mind his own business, and luckily both Dirk and Pubsie were too…“distracted” to notice the hairbrush.  When Pubsie was done he offered his belt to Dirk since I inconvenienced him as well.  Dirk was all too happy to comply.

I could tell that Pubsie was still a little annoyed, but Dirk was very forgiving.  He told me that it was worth it since he got to belt me.  I’m glad that Dirk is so easily appeased. 

I’ve mentioned before how I am a little “bat-shit-crazy” and with the emotions that run high throughout a whole weekend, there tends to be a moment where I finally break.

My anxiety embarrasses me.  I hate for people to see me cry.  I hate thinking that people are judging me because of my anxiety.  I am afraid that people are thinking that I am just looking for attention, and I am afraid that people think they have to walk on eggshells around me because of it.

One of the reasons why I am willing to talk about it is because for years I thought I was the only person who dealt with anxiety.  Growing up it was hard to keep friends because of it.  Who wants to be friends with a crybaby?  So I learned to hide it as best as I could.  If I feel a panic attack coming on, I try to sneak away until I can get a control of my emotions.  Without being on anxiety drugs, it is harder to calm down.  I want others who may also deal with anxiety to understand that they are not alone and to never be afraid to talk to others about it if help is needed.

What the trigger was is not important, but while I was in the suite with everyone I felt my panic rise and I started having difficulty breathing.  Trying to remain calm, I smiled and laughed with everyone as I slowly got up and moved to the door in hopes of being able to sneak out unnoticed.  I headed down to our suite and moved into our bedroom.  Still feeling that I was too exposed, I locked myself into our bathroom and sat in our tub as I cried and tried to gain control of myself.  I’m not sure how long I was in the bathroom, but I eventually managed to calm myself down enough to get out and move towards getting a bottle of water.

Apparently I did not escape completely unnoticed.  When I opened the bathroom door I noticed that Kor-E was in the room waiting for me to come out.  When I saw him I instantly teared up again embarrassed to have been caught.  He and I had a long talk and even played a bit.  I was feeling better after our talk, but the well had been tapped and I knew that I would need some more time before I would be ready to face everybody.

Pubsie came down and gave me a big hug, and I asked him to leave me alone for a bit.  Until I was able to pass the eye makeup test (not crying with eye makeup on!), I didn't want to go downstairs and I didn't want him to think he had to stay and babysit me while a party was going on.  I was afraid of people noticing that something was wrong.

I was hiding in the room when my beautiful wifey came in.  She hadn't realized that I had been hiding and she was quick to provide a big hug.  We were able to talk and I was finally starting to feel normal again.  With Pubsie texting me to come down to the suite parties, and Aurora’s ‘lovin’, I finally felt like I could come back to joining everyone.

For those of you who know me, you know I smoke.  I have manage to stop smoking but have a few triggers that I have not yet gotten past.  One hurdle was not smoking at a spanking party.  I was doing so well that I actually felt like I could brag about it.  I figured if I told people I wasn't smoking I would make sure that I wasn't smoking.  After this anxiety attack I only had one thing on my brain.  Get a cigarette and REALLY relax.

Of course the first cigarette I was able to bum, out came YS, Beth, and Ellee.  That was the end of my bragging.  I do wish I could have gone a whole spanking weekend without smoking, but considering I normally go through a pack and half a party weekend, the two cigarettes (the second smoke is for a later story) that I had were a strong start and hopefully the next party I can make it the whole weekend. 

Finally feeling up to seeing people, I took a deep breath and headed down to join the Sunday night suite party in 460.

BBW Post XI: Sunday Night Suite Parties and One of my Best Scenes Ever

If you missed any, start here:

Part I

As detention ended, the girls heading on down to join the many people already filling up the suites.  Even though the official party was over, so many people were staying Sunday night.  The atmosphere seems much more relaxed as friends chat and play some last minute scenes.  It is always fun to see the different type of relationships that form and/or strengthen throughout the weekend.  

I watched as certain scenes were set up and smiled as I watched a nervous Heather still in her school girl outfit waiting to get her detention slipped signed.  I threw Aurora under the bus since Publikk hadn't spanked all 3/3s of the power.  I watched hugs being given, drinks being poured, and a wave of happy content outpouring from each of the individual faces of all the party attendees.  

Topjosh and I had swore that we would get a scene in at some point this weekend.  Since it was already Sunday night and we still had not played, he pulled me aside and tried to find some place to play.  All the rooms in the suites were hopping so I suggested that we go down to our room.  Apparently Publikk and Sarah_Rocks had the same idea, so I asked Topjosh if he was okay if they came down to the room as well.

Poor Topjosh!  I don't think he realized what he was signing up for when both Sarah and I are together in a room.  The two of us feed off of each other and Sarah's banter is hilarious.  Josh was cracking up for our entire scene and it was one of the most fun and light-hearted moments of the party!  I was so glad we were able to finally connect and play more than just a few smacks at the end of a party!

As the night went on, I was really hoping that Uncle OS and I would get the chance to reconnect after our earlier scene didn't happen.  Unfortunately for me, I was having a few of my nagging thoughts picking away at my happy thoughts and I was feeling very insecure.  The wave of emotion one goes through at a party is hard on the normal person.  I'm not a normal person, lol.  When emotions, and adrenaline, and hormones build up, I start to become shaky and lose any confidence that I may have.  As much as I wanted this scene, there was no way I was going to ask for it. Being told "no" twice in one party especially by someone I care about may have resulted in my quitting of the scene and turning vanilla forever more!  I also didn't want him to feel like we had to play in some pity play type of way.  So although I had bratted and teased, I wanted him to be sure he knew that he didn't have to play with me.  

Luckily he told me that he still needed to "deal" with me, but he needed to take care of something first. I hung out waiting with butterflies building in my tummy.  I was really worried that I was coming off as way too needy and I paced a little in the hallway in an attempt to calm myself down.   It was nice that while I was waiting a few people asked if I was interested in playing.  I declined stating that I was waiting for a scene and because at that point in the weekend I was starting to wonder what my tolerance was.  When would it be the "last spank" that I could handle?   Unfortunately, Kor-E was one of the people I had to say no and wait until later, but I knew that he knew I was waiting and that there was no way we would go a party without him getting his hands on me!

My nerves had built up and I started pacing again as I waited.  In my head I felt that it was very important for me to mention that I was okay with him not wanting to play and provide him with an out.  When I saw him and his lovely little girl Stacy walking up the hallway, I wanted to mention it to him.  I quietly whispered that I was okay if he didn't want to play and that he really didn't have to.   I was responded with a "No, young lady!  You are not getting out of this."  The he turned and pointed to a corner in the hallway and said, "In fact... go stand in that corner and wait!"  My good friend Stacy came to my rescue and told her Daddy that I do not do corners and that he should read my fetish list!  Thank you Stacy for reading my fetish report! (If you are curious what she was talking about, click here!)  We walked down to my room and he asked when corners became a "red" for me, and I had to explain how it wasn't a hard limit for me, it's just that corner time just doesn't do it for me (especially after staring at the wall during the British Detention all night!).  I have way too much A.D.D. to focus and stand still for too long!!

Cornertime for me involves way too much fidgeting and tugging at my hair!

I don't think I fully realized how much I was craving the type of scene we were about to have.  I knew that I wanted to play, I just didn't think that he would be able to get into my mind and head space the way that he would.  He put me over his knee and began to spank me while talking about my obnoxious feelings.  I didn't want to talk about being rejected, but he dragged it out of me.  When I started crying over it like a pathetic loser, he pulled me in for a hug and held me until I stopped.

When I get nagging thoughts in my head, I do turn a bit stubborn.  I can't remember exactly why, but at some point I refused to comply with what he was saying.  He threatened to get his hairbrush and I made the mistake of rolling my eyes.  That sealed my fate and was told, "I don't care if standing in the corner does nothing for you, you are going to stand there anyway!  Get in a corner!"  When my mouth spoke before my brain and said, "all the corners have stuff in them" I was given one of the sternest looks I have ever received!  I think it may have been a personal record on how fast I turned around and found a corner to stick my nose into!  

I was left to stand in the corner for a short amount of time as he ran and fetched his hairbrush before being put back over his knee.  After being scolded for pulling my panties back up without permission, the swat with the hairbrush came raining down. Uncle OS's hairbrush is one of the meanest hairbrushes around and he has a very unhealthy obsession with it.  Oddly enough though, as much as I hate wood... he has such a great technique with it that it is not the horrible torture that wood usually is on me.  

Between the hairbrushing, and combination of soothing yet stern words, I was starting to let go and allowing myself to submit to the pain and take it in.  It is a very freeing feeling to be able to put my guard down.  I trusted him.  I trusted him to see me at my most vulnerable and I loved it.  He bent me back over the bed and took his belt off and began to strap me.  All I had to say was that I promised to be his good little niece and it would have stopped.  I couldn't bring myself to say it.  I wanted the scene to keep going and I was too stubborn to admit anything! After five minutes he stopped and asked me if I was ready to say it.  I just looked up at him and remained silent.  He said, "Fine.  I can do this all night."  I still wasn't ready to cave after another five minutes.  Even when he started strapping my thighs I stayed silent.  When he said that I wouldn't being wearing any short skirts any time soon...  I stayed silent.  I think it was after 13 straight minutes that I finally said that I was willing to be his good little niece!!!

Apparently I shouldn't wear shorts either... 

Afterwards he pulled me in and held me and talked such sweet words that I tried so hard to let myself believe.  This was one of the best scenes I had ever had and I am so grateful that he is nice enough to want to play with me.  I'm not sure if he knew what a mess I was prior to playing, but that one scene made my whole weekend and it was worth waiting until Sunday night to have it.   It is so rare for someone to be able to tap into my headspace, and it means the world to mean that he did.

Poor Stacy and Heather were waiting for us concerned after he ran out of the room and got his hairbrush!  I was so happy for them to come in and give hugs as I sat in my spacey, after a perfect scene giddiness.  I also loved that they ratted each other out for their school misbehavings and both ended up being bent over the bed for licks of their own.  I sat on the bed and watched like the little perv I am and then I took the opportunity to sneak my own school detention slip into the mix so it would be signed without consequence!  ;)

 Sunday night was such a wonderful night for me.

BBW Post X: British Discipline Group and Detention With the Cousins

If you missed any, start here:

Part I

Stephen Lewis, Mrs. Darling, Mr. Allen, and the head girls Catherine, and Zoe were nice enough to donate their time by creating a British Discipline group that allowed for girls to take part of a role play as if they were being sent to the Headmasters office for correctional needs.  It is an awesome concept that I was too chicken to sign up for at Shadowlane, but the lovely Maria decided to coral and organize a cousin detention time for all of us to participate in.   Since there were so many of us and we were all involved with different aspects of BBW, the only time we could all get together would be Sunday night after the cruise.

We were all directed to be prepared for our detention at 9pm sharp.  Since Heather's and my room was connected to the British Discipline room, we had all the girls meet at our room at 8:30 so we wouldn't be late.  We were super giggly as everyone started to show up.  Heather, Maria, Stacy, Sarah, Aurora, Ellee and I were bouncing around the room as we waited for 9pm to arrive.  Unfortunately Beth was unable to make it and we thought jules wouldn't be able to either, but at the last second jules arrived to join in the chaos!  

At about two minutes to nine, Mrs. Darling burst through our connecting door and warned us that we had two minutes to be ready.  Assuming we would be using the connecting door, we hung around giggling for longer than two minutes.  It was then that we were informed that we should be waiting by the outside door and that we were now all late.  As everyone rushed out of our room to line up outside, my nervous energy burst and I thought that it might be a good idea to knock crazy on the door and then quickly run away to the end of the line.  The door soon burst open and Maria and Heather were whisked away while the rest of us were required to wait outside.  The rest of us stood around giggling until we were threatened to be quiet.  We starting talking and giggling again until we were threatened with all of us being caned on the front of our thighs.  That line managed to echo down the hallway and draw some curious looks our way from the other party goers.  The majority of us stood back in line quietly, but Ellee soon stepped back out and quietly continued her conversation with us.

We could hear smacking noises coming through the door as Heather and Maria were being attended to.  Soon the door flew open and the rest of us were to file inside.  Poor Heather and Maria were standing with their noses against the wall as we lined up to face the discipline panel.  Headmaster Lewis, School Secretary Mrs. Darling, and Head Girl Zoe were awaiting us.  

The three Brits did an amazing job staring us down.  I had goosebumps as they began to lecture us.  Of course the first thing they asked was, "Which one of you knocked on the door and ran away!?"  For a split second I hesitated wondering if I should admit that it was me, but at that point I had no idea why Heather and Maria were called into the room before the rest of us.   I was worried one of them may have cracked (Heather!) or I was worried that I brought super doom down on all of us.  So as they waited glaring at us, I slowly raised my hand admitting that it had been me who knocked and ran.  At least they appreciated that I had been honest, but it didn't stop me from having to go first when it came to turning our detention slips over.  

What is driving me crazy is I know I saved the slip and I cannot find it!  I can't remember exactly what it said, but I was in trouble for two reasons.  1.) It is only okay to answer a question without being a smart alec and 2.)  Wiggling and giggling during my bad girl corner spanking.  Once again I found myself over headmaster Lewis's knee (*swoon*) being hand spanked for my transgressions, and then given ten more for my knock and dash.  It is hard for me to keep my feet on the ground while I am being spanked OTK, and at one point I actually LOST my shoes.  I was wearing my adorable purple kitty cat shoes that I love so much, but Mrs. Darling did not seem to approve of them.  In fact, I was told that she did not approve of my rodent shoes!  Unable to help myself, I had to explain that the shoes were in fact CATS with pointy ears and whiskers.  Not listening to reasoning, she told me they looked like RATS!  :-(

I found it!!  

After that exchange I found myself up with my nose against the wall as the other girls were brought forward on their own charges.  Standing with my noise against the wall was very hard for me because I really wanted to turn around and watch the ongoings!  I could not help but giggle and it is really hard for me to stay focused in the corner anyway.  This was really cool though, because by the time all the girls were punished, every single one of us had our skirts up and nose in the corner.  As the last girl was punished for our transgressions, we were called forward again for round two!  Apparently Mrs. Darling assumed I was trying to whisper to Maria.  I wasn't.  Maria was being to good of a girl and refused to catch my eye!  ;)  So it was back over the chair for a strapping.  With Maria on the other side!  It would be my turn, then Maria's turn and we were suppose to count and thank the headmaster for our punishment.  I just happen to be very bad at following directions.  I counted... but I forgot to thank him for my punishment.  So we had to do it again.  Then my nerves got to me and I stuttered over counting!  That was an extra swat as well.  When Maria and I were finished, we were both back with our noses against the wall.  Aurora and Sarah were punished for their inappropriate girl on girl action, and their double caning was amazing!  It was becoming even more difficult for me to stay with my noise against the wall.  The sweet and innocent Stacy whose original charge was to show the rest of us the proper way to take a spanking was spanked because of these inappropriate shoes that jules got her.  Jules was spanked again for "snotting" on the wall.  Ellee was spanked for her fox shoes, purse, and panties, and then Heather... sweet cousin Heather... my Boardwalk Academy Roommate, sold all the cousins out the night before!!!!!!!!!  After snitching to the headmaster and secretary that the best way to break us would be to "divide and conquer" and to "take out jules and the rest will follow", we were allowed to turn and watch her comeuppance!!

The detention was so much fun and the quick witted response from the team was amazing.  A few of the comments that had us all cracking up was when Mrs. Darling asked, "What does a fox say, Headmaster?" After Ellee was turned over and with Heather standing against the wall being her naughty self, Mrs. Darling said: "Heather!!!!  Your gaping hole is getting wider!"  After we all started snickering, Mrs. Darling asked, "HEADMASTER!  What am I supposed to do with a room full of crude American girls!"  

After watching Heather get what she deserved, :)  we all had to sign the discipline book, thank the group for punishing us, and we headed back to our room.  Our half hour detention turned out to be closer to two hours when all was said and done!  With all the girls being occupied, the guys down the hall discussed barging down to save themselves from the sausage fest.

The Punishment Book

Thanks so much to Maria for organizing this for all of us and the wonderful Brits for being such good sports and playing along.  I really hope that we can all do this again at the next party! 

BBW Part VIII: Court, Lunch, and Sassing Uncle OS

If you missed the other parts, start here:

BBW Part I

Sleep is something that you do not get at these events.  After going to bed at around 6 AM, I needed to wake up a few hours later for Spanking Court.  Thankfully Spanking Court was pushed to noon this year and that extra hour did make a difference.  I knew that I was involved in at least two court cases so I needed to make sure I was there on time!

The first case that I was called on involved my scene with hornybastard and being tossed to the ground!  This was HB's first party so I wasn't sure if he would be okay with me calling him up on charges. Luckily he is a good sport, and he somehow managed to win!  I love doing these court cases where people crack up and chuckle as you're explaining what is going on.  I still can't believe I lost, and sure enough I was bent over a chair for four swats from Judge Dave.

The second case I was involved in was Sarah_Rocks and I versus Mike Tanner and Jules. The charge? Attempting to get into lunch without having their name badge!  Jules managed to build a wonderful case and Sarah and I were convinced we were going to lose.  However, Mike Tanner leans over and whispers to Jules, "tell them where guilty!"  I nearly fell over laughing!  With that comment Sarah_Rocks and I won our case!

After court, a bunch of us ran around to help tear down the ballroom and packed up the curtains and banners that were hanging around the room.  As what has become a lovely tradition on Sunday after court, a large group of us went for family-style Italian food!  Publikk and I climbed into our roomy rented minivan, and headed over to join the group.

Lunch on Sunday is always so relaxing. We get to hang out, talk, and enjoy each others company.  We also get to leave the hotel!!  I was still feeling a little insecure, but I was also feeling very sassy.  It turns out to not be a good combination.  OlympiaSpanker was sitting not too far from me.  All weekend he was being very mean to me. :(  Not in the fun spanking way, but in the "let me make fun of your sports teams and other things that you like" type of way.  The tired brat in me was making comment after comment until he threatened to take the keys to the van and march me off to the parking garage for misbehaving.  Apparently that threat wasn't good enough, because the next threat was to march me over to the public bathroom, with a promise that he was not kidding. That was when I decided that I must have stepped over the line and should probably quiet down.  Not without a stubborn pout directed his way!   Poor Prux and Reina who were sitting across from me became silent after that exchange of words.  My knees were shaking as well, especially after I was told I did indeed step over that line and that it would be dealt with shortly.

This type of scene set up is very rare for me.  I was in the perfect headspace to be spanked in the van in the parking garage for misbehaving in the restaurant.  I was sorry for pushing and embarrassed that a public spanking was inevitable.  It was not planned, it just happened.  A real spanking for real misbehavior.  It doesn't get any better than that!

Unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances, the scene was unable to take place because Uncle OS and Stacy had to ride back to the hotel with another person. It felt like someone dumped a bucket of ice water over my head and I was so disappointed.  I didn't know when or if we would ever get another chance like that. I didn't even know if we would have the head space set up to address the restaurant behavior later.  Public threats with semi public spankings is apparently a huge spanko turn on for me!  Having it be for something real was the sprinkle and cherries on top.  I hope to somehow get that chance again someday!

Publikk and I headed to the parking garage by ourselves, and our poor rental van would remain spank free.  At least we had the Adult Speaking Cruise to look forward to!

DD and Marriage; is it possible to achieve, or am I just too stubborn?

I think it is pretty safe to say that I am pretty into spanking.

When I first ventured into the scene, I thought the only type of spankings that existed were discipline spankings and that in order to achieve said goal, bratting was the only way to do it.  I didn't really do anything "bad" that needed a spanking, so being annoying seemed the way to go.

Only, I HATED being a brat.  Pranks and tricks are not my thing.  Being sassy has always been apart of who I am, but my making a smart ass comment doesn't necessarily mean I am trying to get a spanking.  I'm just being me.

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Funishment:  Naughty Baker

As my scene life evolved, I eventually learned that I am much more comfortable doing role plays for (using Richard Windsor's word) funishment.  It's fun, playful, and it is not something real that I may have done.  I am able to satisfy my needs and hopefully my partner's needs as well.


In reality, growing up and even growing up in my scene life, I never really needed any type of discipline type spankings.  I do my job, I am a safe driver, I tend not to be irresponsible, and I would never intentionally do something to hurt a person I care about's feelings.  That is not me.


When my husband and I first began our relationship, real discipline spankings were sprinkled into it.  I could tell back then it wasn't his favorite thing to do, and as our relationship grew into more than just "spanko" playmates, we became equals.  I do understand that many women enjoy taking a submissive role to their husbands, but I had been taking care of myself for so long, I wasn't able to be in a relationship where I felt subservient to my partner.  My husband does take care of me, but any major decisions in our life is discussed between us and decided together.

Funishment:  Naughty Baker

Eventually discipline type spankings disappeared from our relationship completely, and I was okay with that.

So I thought.

There were a few items that I asked my husband to help me with, but he never kept up with it.  I called him out on it and he let me know that he didn't think I really wanted a DD type relationship in our marriage, and the punishment aspect of spanking just doesn't seem to work with us.  I agreed and let it go.  I didn't want my husband to do anything he didn't feel comfortable with, it wouldn't be fair to him.

Then last year I did do something that hurt a dear friend of mine and made him very angry with me.  To make a long story short, I did something that I thought was playful, but in reality it annoyed him.  I didn't realize it annoyed him and kept at it until it basically blew up in my face.  I was horrified that I had hurt him and quickly tried to make it right.  Last summer in an unplanned scene, he spanked me for the incident.  It was not the hardest spanking I ever had, but I cried, something I never do during scenes.  I cried not because of the spanking, but because he was so disappointed in me and my actions.  I never want to do that to him again.

Funishment: Top in the  Corner

As much as I hate crying in front of people, and as much as I hated having to have a scene like that, it was also very cathartic.  I did something wrong that hurt someone I love, but instead of dropping me from his life, he punished me and cleared the air between us.  I knew all was forgiven and I wanted to be a better person because of it.  It is one of the most powerful scenes I have ever been a part of.

The scene stayed with me and I began to think about having a DD relationship again.  It hadn't worked in our relationship before, but maybe I changed?  However, even if I had changed would my husband's feelings have changed?  I became jealous of the discipline relationships my husband had with other girls.  To clarify, it wasn't jealousy of his playing with others (we both play with others), I was jealous that when it came to other girls, he could play the part of the disciplinarian and punish them if needed.

Last  May I became sick and was put on a strict diet that until recently, I followed very well.  I was also put on medication for some health issues that I need to take twice a day to avoid becoming sick.  I don't know if it was the holidays or I was just fed up with everything, but I fell off the wagon and I fell hard.  For whatever reason, I suck at taking my medications.  I either forget in the morning, or I forget at night... more than once a week.  I don't mean to forget, but I do.  Then this past week I went back to my doctor where he told me how disappointed he was with me, and I left feeling ashamed of myself.  I felt and still feel actually, like I failed myself.  I hate feeling like a failure and I had no one to blame but myself.

So I asked my husband for help.  I asked him to help me get back on the diet that doesn't make me sick and to make sure I actually take my medication twice a day.   I failed.  I failed horribly.  I am so miserable with myself that I keep chastising myself  and asking myself what the fuck is wrong with me.  Based on what I asked for, I deserve to be punished. However, once again it doesn't look like a punishment relationship will work for us.  I know he hates punishing me for real offensives, but part of me wants to be able to have someone else chastise me and release that pent up self loathing that I form about myself.

I'm curious to know what others think.  Are you able to have a DD relationship with your significant other?  Do you have a significant other who plays with you but not in a disciplinarian type of way?  Do you have a DD relationship with a different partner that is different from the relationship you have with your lover?  Do you have a DD relationship with someone and you are not romantically involved?

I would love to read your thoughts and comments on the subject.

 Funishment:  Christmas Hairbrushing and Dropseat Fun