Shadowlane XII: Goodbye... for now!

This is my final Shadowlane party post.  Feel free to click on any of the links below to catch up on prior posts:

                                    Part I  Part II  Part III  Part IV Part V 
                             Part VI Part VII Part VIII Part IX Part X Part XI

We spread out in a circle around the room to play tops vs bottoms catchphrase.  Basically how it works is for every point the ladies get, we get two minutes of personal service.  For every points the guys get, we get six swats.  We agreed early on that the winning team must win by two points, and that ended up resulting in one of the longest runs of catchphrase that we had ever played. 

We are an extremely competitive group.  As the rounds continued the tension rose as we playfully fought for the title of, um, catchphrase champion!  We managed to tie, and then flip back and forth between one point before the ladies finally won.  It is fun to watch everyone’s different reactions.  OS would grab the catchmaker out of my hand practically ripping my fingers off, where Dirk would remain calm and slowly sound out his clues as the gentlemen in the room would shout desperately at him. 

The giddy, tiredness started to hit us as silly conversations arose.  At one part we were arguing about what part of the worm silk comes out.  Laughing I said, “Are we really discussing what comes out of a worm’s ass!?”  The game playing continued on until after 6am and the sunrise.  I was having so much fun I didn't want the weekend to end. 

Unfortunately, good things eventually DO have to end.  We gave out some hugs and headed back to our room in an attempt to get a few hours of sleep.  Pubsie and I had to be heading out to the airport in a few hours to catch our flight home.  A brief nap, and soon our alarm was going off for us to gather our supplies and get out of dodge.

Not wanting to wake up everyone in the other suite, I was able to give a few hugs out and fight back tears.  Sometimes it is good to be the first person leaving because I do not have to be a sobbing mess when the majority of my friends were still sleeping.  I gave my wifey a huge hug, and then a few people in the other suite, before Pubsie prodded me along.  Kor-E and Maria were nice enough to give us a ride to the airport, and I fought back tears as we said goodbye.  Pubsie gave me a big hug and wiped a few of my tears as we headed into the airport.

Leaving parties are so hard for me.  I do not have many close friends in the vanilla world, and my spanko family means the world to me.  I really wished that we didn't have to be scattered all over the country, but it makes me happy that for people who truly care for one another, ways will be found to be together.  Until I find my place in this crazy world, I will continue to buy lottery tickets in the hope of purchasing that spanko commune for all of us to enjoy. 

To my spanking family:  Thank you so much for your kindness, love, and company.  I cannot wait for our next adventure!

Shadowlane Part IX: Punished and Dealing with Party Life as a Crazy Person.

Catch up on my other party posts:

         Part I  Part II  Part III  Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII Part VIII

After a nice drive back to the hotel with Dirk and Pubsie, I headed upstairs with a brief stop into the other suite before heading to ours.  While walking down the hallway, I realized that I didn’t have my phone on me.  I assumed that I left the phone in the car, so I asked Pubsie if he could run down and try to catch Dirk before the valet parked his car.

While freshening up, it occurred to me that maybe I had left my phone in the other suite and so I headed back down to 1016.  After knocking Stacy held up my phone and said, “here it is!  Pubsie called and I answered it… he said to tell you that you are in BIG trouble.”

I closed my eyes for a second and said thank you for finding my phone and letting them know it was up here.  OS was laughing because he thought that it was awesome that Pubsie announced that I was in trouble.  We do not have a DD dynamic in our relationship, so Pubsie actually announcing that meant he was REALLY annoyed with me.

After that comment there was no way I was going back to my suite.

 

Rather quickly Dirk and Pubsie arrived at the suite and my one idea was to hide.  Pretty much a classic cousin panicked based plan, I ran into Heather's, Somaholiday's, and OS’s bedroom and darted to the closet.  Why was this a classic cousin plan?  I was trapped without a real plan of action, but at the time I thought it was a great idea!  Since jules was unable to make this party, I apparently began to channel her spirit.  ;)

It worked for a second because Pubsie thought I hid in the bathroom.  However, Dirk checked the closet and pulled me out.  I was feeling horrible when both gentlemen started to scold me.  I did have to yell back, because both men thought it would be funny to make it out much worse than it was and I was already at the point of tears.  They did end up ripping out the back seat of Dirk’s rental car, but luckily no permanent car damage was done.

Pubsie bent me over the bed and took off his belt and began to strap me for the hassle.  OS decided it would be extra helpful to put his ridiculous ginormous hairbrush on the bed.  I glared at him and told him to mind his own business, and luckily both Dirk and Pubsie were too…“distracted” to notice the hairbrush.  When Pubsie was done he offered his belt to Dirk since I inconvenienced him as well.  Dirk was all too happy to comply.

I could tell that Pubsie was still a little annoyed, but Dirk was very forgiving.  He told me that it was worth it since he got to belt me.  I’m glad that Dirk is so easily appeased. 

I’ve mentioned before how I am a little “bat-shit-crazy” and with the emotions that run high throughout a whole weekend, there tends to be a moment where I finally break.

My anxiety embarrasses me.  I hate for people to see me cry.  I hate thinking that people are judging me because of my anxiety.  I am afraid that people are thinking that I am just looking for attention, and I am afraid that people think they have to walk on eggshells around me because of it.

One of the reasons why I am willing to talk about it is because for years I thought I was the only person who dealt with anxiety.  Growing up it was hard to keep friends because of it.  Who wants to be friends with a crybaby?  So I learned to hide it as best as I could.  If I feel a panic attack coming on, I try to sneak away until I can get a control of my emotions.  Without being on anxiety drugs, it is harder to calm down.  I want others who may also deal with anxiety to understand that they are not alone and to never be afraid to talk to others about it if help is needed.

What the trigger was is not important, but while I was in the suite with everyone I felt my panic rise and I started having difficulty breathing.  Trying to remain calm, I smiled and laughed with everyone as I slowly got up and moved to the door in hopes of being able to sneak out unnoticed.  I headed down to our suite and moved into our bedroom.  Still feeling that I was too exposed, I locked myself into our bathroom and sat in our tub as I cried and tried to gain control of myself.  I’m not sure how long I was in the bathroom, but I eventually managed to calm myself down enough to get out and move towards getting a bottle of water.

Apparently I did not escape completely unnoticed.  When I opened the bathroom door I noticed that Kor-E was in the room waiting for me to come out.  When I saw him I instantly teared up again embarrassed to have been caught.  He and I had a long talk and even played a bit.  I was feeling better after our talk, but the well had been tapped and I knew that I would need some more time before I would be ready to face everybody.

Pubsie came down and gave me a big hug, and I asked him to leave me alone for a bit.  Until I was able to pass the eye makeup test (not crying with eye makeup on!), I didn't want to go downstairs and I didn't want him to think he had to stay and babysit me while a party was going on.  I was afraid of people noticing that something was wrong.

I was hiding in the room when my beautiful wifey came in.  She hadn't realized that I had been hiding and she was quick to provide a big hug.  We were able to talk and I was finally starting to feel normal again.  With Pubsie texting me to come down to the suite parties, and Aurora’s ‘lovin’, I finally felt like I could come back to joining everyone.

For those of you who know me, you know I smoke.  I have manage to stop smoking but have a few triggers that I have not yet gotten past.  One hurdle was not smoking at a spanking party.  I was doing so well that I actually felt like I could brag about it.  I figured if I told people I wasn't smoking I would make sure that I wasn't smoking.  After this anxiety attack I only had one thing on my brain.  Get a cigarette and REALLY relax.

Of course the first cigarette I was able to bum, out came YS, Beth, and Ellee.  That was the end of my bragging.  I do wish I could have gone a whole spanking weekend without smoking, but considering I normally go through a pack and half a party weekend, the two cigarettes (the second smoke is for a later story) that I had were a strong start and hopefully the next party I can make it the whole weekend. 

Finally feeling up to seeing people, I took a deep breath and headed down to join the Sunday night suite party in 460.

Shadowlane Part V: The Special Headmaster's Session

If you missed the other posts:

Part I  Part II  Part III  Part IV

After another late night I woke up early again.  I went out into the living room to wake up with crappy coffee and enjoyed a nice quiet moment playing on my phone.  Kor-E and Maria were already awake and they were getting ready to head out and pick up some good coffee.  Since Kor-E offered to pick me up a coffee, I decided to test his coffee knowledge by ordering a Double, non-fat, extra froth, caramel latte.  He made fun of me, but promised to pick one up!   The rest of us in our suite were moving slowly, but Aurora and I would eventually need to get ready to head to our special detention session.  Poor Aurora had been healing from a broken ankle and her foot had been very swollen.  Following doctor’s orders she choose not to wear shoes.  I felt bad because I hadn't realized how much she had been hurting. 

Kor-E showed up with the latte while I was showering and asked Aurora to pass it on to me with a clause stating that by accepting this latte, I would agree to forgive him for abandoning me and not bring him up on court charges.  I took the latte and marched over to their room, but Kor-E had already left.  Maria promised to inform Kor-E that I rejected his offer and would leave the latte for the maid to drink.

Aurora and I finished getting ready and I peeked out into the hallway hoping not to see the mean lady from the night before.   With the coast clear, we headed down to Stephen Lewis’s room and knocked on his door.   He invited us in and thanked us for coming back.  After asking us both to sit down, he asked if we understood why we were there.  Aurora once again gave a sincere answer that sounded smart assy, and I gave a smart assy answer but accompanied it with my charming smile.  After smirking at both of us, Mr. Lewis pointed at first Aurora, then at me and said, “If that tone is sincere, and that LOOK is supposed to be sincere, you are both doomed!”  Both of Aurora and I started cracking up and I was asked to stand and go over his lap.

Mr. Lewis started with an over the lap spanking and yummy scolding of my improper detention behavior.  As he stood me up he pointed out that since this was a special headmaster session as opposed to a formal detention, there would be no counting.  Aurora however,  piped up that SHE had been counting and that he was at 95 swats.  Since we were that close to 100 he pulled me back over his lap for five more swats!  Aurora… always so helpful.

Next was Aurora’s turn.  The poor girl went over Stephen’s lap, but unfortunately the pain in her ankle was hurting really bad and it was too much for her.  Aurora is a great wifey because she understands my anxiety and how I get with people I am just getting to know. Even though she wasn't up for playing, she came anyway to support me.   Her kindness (even though she is going to prove what a brat she is) is why I love this girl!

Stephen sat her up and we talked for a few minutes as Aurora apologized for not being up for playing.  He gave her a big hug and asked her if she wanted to stay and watch ME get punished.  I don’t think I have ever seen that big of a grin on Aurora’s face as she excitedly said, “YES, SIR!”  Back over his knee I went and when I was told to stand back up, Aurora shared that it was only 49 swats.  Of course I had to go back over for one more spank.

Mr. Lewis stood up and told Aurora that she can decide if she felt that I was punished enough.  The little minx looked like the Cheshire Cat as she nodded enthusiastically.  Mr. Lewis then said one of my favorite lines of the whole scene, “Since this is a special headmaster’s session, I get to make this shit up as we go along!”

I had never played with Stephen Lewis outside of their formal detention sessions, and I wasn't aware how much research he puts into his scenes.   I have several triggers in a scene that can not only get into my head space, but make me weak in the knees as well.   He pulled my ponytail and made me look up at him, and he scolded me using my “full name” saying that by the end of this session, I would be one sorry, well behaved young lady.  I melted.  It was such a yummy moment that I almost forgot to breath for a moment.

I was told to bend over the table and received cane strokes and swats with leather as Aurora announced whether or not she felt I had learned my lesson (she didn't).   Aurora was then told to sit across from me and hold my hands as I received my final strokes. Another tug at the pony tail and I was standing back up with my final scolding.

Aurora was feeling up for trying a few strokes with the cane, and over the table she went with me being told to hold her hands.  I love watching the faces of girls being spanked, and the noises they make.  Stephen told us that we both make the most adorable noises, and Aurora had to prove it by making the squeak toy noises she makes when being caned.  

I wish I could better describe this entire scene to fully show my emotions, adrenaline, and the fact that sometimes I just can’t control my mouth.  I was sinking into subspace and my brain turned to a fuzzy mush.  When I think back all I can remember is how happy I was and how amazing it had been.  If I could describe this scene in one word?  HOT!   The chemistry felt right, the banter was awesome, and the scene itself was perfect.

Now that I know what a special Headmaster session entails, I may never behave during normal detention again.  ;)

Thank you to Stephen Lewis for an awesome play session!  I cannot wait for the next party and being able to play again.  :)

Shadowlane Part III: British Detention with Aurora

If you missed them:

Part I  Part II

My "just resting my eyes" turned into a full fledged nap, something I HATE doing at parties. ;)  I have a fear of sleeping when everyone else is awake.  What if I miss something?  Then everyone will be talking about that one spectacular moment and I will be the loser who has to admit that I was sleeping. 

Luckily I had set my alarm clock earlier to remind me that it was time to get ready.  Pubsie had come back to the room to wake me up and even though I was groggy, I wanted to make sure that I was ready and on time for my detention session.  

The British detention events have been occurring at the past few parties.  With a headmaster, head girl, witness and a punishment book that all the naughties must sign, this group does an amazing job at setting a scene for those of us with school girl fetishes! At BBW, Maria corralled all the cousins into a session and it was a blast.  About a week afterwards, I discovered that I had been carrying around my detention slip in my purse! Snickering to myself, I posted a picture of my slip online.  Then goody-two shoes Stacy felt the need to post hers and show everyone how she wasn't at all in the slightest bit of trouble. Since we all know *that* isn't true, I set out to prove that she really was a trouble maker!  Scheming, sleuthing, and pulling in resources from across the country, I was able to snag evidence that little Miss Stacy really did get in trouble!!  All of that happened four months ago, and as funny as it all was, it was pushed to the back of my mind.  

Until three days before Shadowlane. 

I was actually for once being a super good girl focusing on my work and trying to get myself ahead for the next week when I decided to take a quick perv break and sign on to fet. My @'s were lit up and I was greeted with this status message:

                           

Apparently someone decided to point a certain British headmaster to my mischievous thread and he felt the need to revive it.  

I was no longer able to focus on my work that night.  

Since I really wanted to do the detention again, and because I was too chicken to sign up alone, I volunteered Aurora to go with me. :)  I knew she would be game!  The two of us had gotten dressed and headed down to the detention suite to await our scheduled time. 

I would love to say that everything this weekend was absolutely perfect, but just prior to detention I had a not so good moment.  Our floor was mixed with both vanillas and Spankos and I was dressed in full school girl uniform.  Alex Reynolds was waiting outside the door in her school uniform, and when the door next to the British detention suite opened, a vanilla woman walked out and saw us hanging out in the hallway.  The woman instantly approached us and asked what was going on.  We didn't answer her and she pressed asking if this was some sort of fetish thing.  She seemed nice enough, just curious, but then went into this diatribe about how her 14 year old daughter was in the next room, and that we better not let the kid see us, blah, blah, and blah.  She continued on her way but my headspace was shot.  I teared and thought about my vanilla life and how that this was the first time in a long time that I was ashamed of being a spanko.

At that moment Stacy, Crashdance, and Somaholiday came down the hall to tease us, but they instantly saw my face and asked what was wrong.  This is why I love having my girls.  They could tell I was upset and worked to make it better.  By the time the door opened for me to walk in, I was feeling better and the looming figures of the British detention team was able to snap me back into place.  The mean vanilla lady was pushed to the back of my mind.  

Aurora and I were given out slips earlier and told not to open them.  I had protected mine by putting it in the room, but Aurora's was taken by RainySpanker and torn.  Boys can be so mean sometimes!  We presented our slips and I smirked as Aurora tried to explain what had happened.  My enveloped was opened and I was told to read my slip.  I almost cracked up as I read, "Kathryn's catalogue of naughtiness is too full to fit within these margins.  However, her attempts to trivialize this very process is something that is needed to be addressed urgently."

Headmaster Lewis asked for me to explain to the others what exactly I did.  I paused for a moment trying to figure out how to start and was then guided over Stephen Lewis's knee.  He began to spank me and told me to begin explaining.  I quickly told my cliff noted version of the story and was met with a British detention group that was trying very hard not to laugh.  I attempted to give my award winning smile, but it didn't help my case.

Next was Aurora and I can't remember exactly what it said, but it did involve her claims of always being the "good" one was clearly showing that she was actually a ring leader.  I was apparently smiling too hard at the thought of Aurora being punished.  When asked if I was enjoying this, I quickly said no, but after being yelled at to tell the truth, I admitted that I was.  I was then told to turn around and not watch. :(

Aurora was told to stand up and I was asked to bend over the table and stretch all the way across.  I receive a "six of the best" caning that was so yummy I almost smarted off just to receive more.  Aurora was next, and then the two of us were told to kneel on chairs that faced each other and watch as the other received a final three strokes.  

The play was great, but the best part happened next.  After we were told to thank the head girl for recording our punishments and Mr. Kennedy for witnessing it, the headmaster asked us to thank him for punishing him.  I tried to give him my winningest smile as I thanked him, but his stare down showed me that he wasn't buying it.  Then Aurora made this long speech thanking the headmaster that I knew was sincere, but actually sounded as if she was being a smart ass.  He then continued to stare her down and I couldn't help but cough out *RINGLEADER* under my breath.  The stern glare was directed back at me before he announced that he demanded to see us both back at 2pm the next day.  We left smiling and I couldn't help but laugh at the fact we were given "detention" during detention.  This had been such a wonderful scene and I thank Stephen Lewis for being willing to set this up for us!

Shadowlane Part I

I finally have something exciting to blog about!  Yay!

This past weekend my husband and I attended the annual Shadowlane party in Las Vegas!  Spankings AND Vegas??  Yes, please!

This party could not have come at a better time for me.  Due to vanilla commitments, I was unable to attend any parties this past summer.  Going this long from BBW to now and not seeing any scene friends has been torture!!

My mind has been "bat-shit-crazy" lately thanks to an unwanted job position transfer, a personal issue that has been haunting me for several months, and just not being able to take anxiety meds due to said personal issue.  Pretty much EVERYTHING had been making me anxious.  My anxiety attacks embarrass me, but most of the time I can control the lies and stay calm. Unfortunately, with all the added stress lately, it has been difficult to keep calm. When I get like this, my brain likes to tell lies and I am teetering on a fine line of being normal and freaking out. Worst part is, once I start freaking out more lies enter and I freak out about other people knowing I am freaking out or that my freak outs are pissing off my friends.  It's been a joy.  

So late Thursday afternoon I was very antsy to get started with my road trip.  Work was freaking me out and the thoughts of leaving my vanilla woes behind was very appealing.  I practically ran out to my husband's car so we could get started on our drive to airport.  The drive felt slow and getting though security was long!  You could probably understand my frustration when we were told that our flight was to be delayed an hour.  Pubsie took me to get a drink and forced me to eat something ( too excited to be hungry!) and luckily decided to do a quick check on our flight status!  We could not hear the announcements where we were, so we almost missed that our flight was back on time and currently boarding!

Rushing back to our gate I did a little squeal of joy.  I couldn't stand the thought of having to wait even longer and I've never ever had a flight that was delayed end up leaving on time after all!  Working our way on to the plane, I noticed a man in his seat checking out the backside of the woman in front of me. On closer inspection I realized it was Inspectherhide and decided to point my finger at him and smirk knowing EXACTLY what he was doing.  He knew he was busted so we both laughed, waved, and teased each other via Fetlife.  It is fun knowing that other spankos were on the plane!  Inspectherhide also offered to drive us to the hotel in his rental car!

As Pubsie and Inspectherhide went to pick up the rental car, I waited on my lovely wifey Aurora to hurry up and land!  I kept my eyes peeled for a blond midget in heels, and after what felt like forever I was finally able to give my wifey a huge hug!!!!  We grabbed her luggage and met the guys and were FINALLY able to head towards the hotel.  As exhausted as I was, I was getting a second wind of energy due to pure excitement!  Once at the hotel, Aurora, Pubsie and I headed up to our suite on the tenth floor that we were sharing with our dear friends Kor-E and Maria!  Excited we shared hugs and I knew I could not ask for better suite mates.  A quick change and I was ready to head down to the party and meet up with everyone!!  

UNFORTUNATELY, we landed pretty late and most people had already left the suites.  As we headed down, we managed to bump into Stacy, Crashdance, OlympicSpanker, and Somaholiday.  Hugs abound, I was hoping to convince the tired group to rally but was unsuccessful.  A couple of swats from OS and knowing I would see them all soon and that we had a whole weekend, Aurora and I headed down to greet a few more people in Joe's Suite. Dirk, Ros, Strictdave, Beth, Ellee, and YoggSothoth were still up, so more hugs were abound!  One of the funnier moments was when YS was trying to get Beth and/or Ellee to head to bed with him.  Neither girl wanted to go and YS announced to Beth that the suite was dead anyway.  Of course all of us who were sitting there turned to him and shouted, "HEY!"  We could not let that comment slide without giving him a hard time.  

Aurora and I managed to stay up and watch as the suite did finally empty with the exception of Joe, Strictdave, and Ellee.  Strictdave was helping to adjust the St. Andrew's Cross and spanking bench that Joe manage to rent for the weekend and did a short scene with Ellee.  Joe announced that it would be awesome to have an audience which caused both Aurora and I to shout out "HEY!" again.  Laughing we left the suite and headed up to our room to get some rest for the long, spanking filled weekend ahead!