XII: Saying Goodbye the Socially Awkward Spanko Way

This picture belongs further down, but I would rather have this pop up on the blog lists than the blister one!

This is my last party entry!  If you missed any click here:

Part I            Part V        Part IX

Part II        Part VI      Part X

Part III        Part VII       Part XI

Part IV        Part VIII       Part XII

After the awesome scene we all headed back down towards the suite parties.  I was loopy and a little out of it, but I'm pretty sure I had a huge dopey grin on my face.  Kor-E managed to take my hand and pull me over his knee.  I felt really bad because I was starting to come down and the reality of the spanking I just took was starting to hit.  I was sore.  I had a few spots in particular that really hurt even when just lightly touched.  One on my sit spot turned out to be a blister.  I literally had my bottom blistered!

An actual blister!!!!

Kor-E was barely touching me and I couldn't help but say, "Ouch!  Ow! Ow!"  He laughed and said that the ouchies were music to his ears!  I was still loopy from the scene before, but it was nice to Kor-E to cool me down.  I almost fell asleep over his lap I was so relaxed! Then he would touch an ouchie spot with his fingernails!  Even the nicest tops are really super mean. ;)

A group of our friends were sitting in the hallway outside of a suite room.  With my husband being there, I curled up next to him and put my head on his lap.  I'm not sure if I actually fell asleep, but he was pushing for me to go to bed.  I hate going to bed when everyone is still up.  I feel like I will miss something!!  He tricked me into going back to our room and lying on the bed to apply arinca and lotion to combat some of the bruising.  Once I was face down on the bed, I fell asleep and was not going back out to the party.  :(

Waking up came all too soon.  Apparently our hotel was trying to get back at us for our late night smacking sounds and decided to start drilling and hammering on the ceiling above us!  It was torture!!!  Who the hell drills and hammers above hotel rooms at 7 fucking am?  I was so tired that after tossing and turning, I was able to put a pillow around my ears and fall back asleep.  When I would wake the second time, the drilling would be finished.

Heather, Publikk, and I slowly started to pack up all the scattered clothing items and implements around our room.  Publikk and I had a few hours before we had to leave for our flight, and Uncle OS had extended his room stay and was nice enough to let us stick our suitcases in there before checkout.  Hugs farewell are the hardest things for me to do.  Sarah_Rocks and PPD were able to sneak away early in the morning without me balling my eyes out to her.  Poor jules wasn't as lucky!  I gave Uncle Mike and Aunt Miranda a huge hug and walked down to the lobby with jules to say goodbye.  I hate that we all live so far apart from one another.  I hate more that I work a job with such crappy pay that doesn't allow me to be able to visit everyone as much as I would like!  We gave final hugs and turned away to meet with some stragglers for lunch at the hotel buffet.

Strictdave, Stacy, Uncle OS, Ellee, Beth, YoggSothoth, Heather, Maria, Kor-E, Publikk and I took over a table to enjoy our last minute company with each other.  I was able to witness how evil StrictDave really is when poor little Ellee came bouncy back to the table with a bowl of ice cream and sprinkles and he decided to dump his left over shrimp legs into it!  The tragic look on her face was adorable and I felt so bad for her.  Luckily he set it right by getting her another bowl of ice cream with sprinkles.

Publikk and I were talking about taking one last walk on the boardwalk when he knocked over what I thought was water (it was sprite!) all over me.  My pants were soaked and uncomfortable and I had no desire to walk around with wet jeans for the rest of the day.  I asked Uncle OS if it was okay to use the hair dryer in his room to try and dry my pants.  On the way up I ran into my lovely mistress/wifey/ the Power Aurora and had to stop and give big hugs.  Aurora was starting a new adventure of her own this week moving her even farther way from me.  :(  I teared up saying goodbye and left shivering thanks to the stupid wet sprite pants.

I was able to get the hair dryer going and helped lessen the yuck of the sprite pants, but at that moment I decided to ruin any pleasant good bye I could have had by knocking over a bottle of red nail polish and having it shatter all over my foot and the floor of the hotel bathroom.  I was horrified at the huge mess I had just made and starting shrieking, "OH! OH! OH!"  StrictDave, Publikk, and Ellee came running to see what was wrong, and it took them a second to realize it wasn't blood all over my foot, but nail polish!  If you have ever spilled nail polish before, you know what a bitch it is to clean up.  I was in full panic/horror mode because I felt so horrible that my klutziness managed to make a disaster of a mess right before we had to leave.  I ran and got some paper towels, picked glass out of my foot, and tried to wipe up as much as the nail polish I could.  Panicking I sent Publikk to run down to the store and pick up some nail polish remover and I fought back tears as I tried my hardest to clean the mess up.  Stacy came upstairs and saw my mess and grabbed some nail polish remover pads and began to help me clean up the floor.  I felt horrible in making her help and by using up all her nail polish remover.  We were able to get the majority of the nail polish off the ground, and in retrospect it really wasn't that big of a disaster as I felt it to be, but it's those types of dumb klutzy things that I do that make me nervous that everyone will shun me and leave being mad at me.

Because I felt horrible, I couldn't help but apologize a million times.  Apparently I was apologizing too much, and Kor-E felt the need give me a "proper" goodbye/reminder to not apologize too much. Then when I called Publikk to let him know he didn't need to buy the nail polish remover, I kept apologizing to him on the phone because I felt bad ruining HIS last moments.  Apparently I was told that if I apologized one more time I would get the hairbrush, and even then I continued to say I was sorry.  I couldn't help it!  I felt so guilty and I still feel guilty.  I was then bent over the chair and given the most confusing hairbrush spanking ever!  I had to say I wasn't sorry, but then I kept apologizing for saying I'm sorry!!  So I was sorry for being sorry and that didn't help either!  At least it made me giggle and stop freaking out!

The sorry I'm sorry spanking!  Photo by the lovely Stacymacy

For the record and I promise the final time I will say it, I really am sorry that that was how I managed to end our time together!  I'm sorry that I broke the nail polish, shrieked, and made a huge mess.  I am sorry that I left glass and nail polish all over the bathroom floor.  I am sorry that I used up all the nail polish remover wipes and made Publikk run to the store to grab some more when he didn't need to.  I'm sorry I used up several paper towels and potentially made the maids super angry and would have caused them to file extra charges to the room for my klutziness.  I am so sorry that I caused that huge mess moments before we had to leave.

It was time for last minute hugs and there were so many people that I wanted to hang on to and never let go.  That final goodbye and party drop is the worse.  I do not have many close vanilla friends, especially in the town I currently live in.  To have found so many wonderful, lovely people who as a bonus happen to be spankos too, and then sprinkle them all over the country far away from me is one of the cruelest tortures the universe has thrown my way.

Publikk and I left the suite floor for the last time and met up with Melville who would be flying back home with us.  The hour and a half to the airport was spent chatting and discussing the wonderful weekend.  I sat in the back of the van as we drove lost in my emotions and thoughts.  I sent a few texts in an attempt to hold on to the awesome weekend and began jotting down any notes and memories from the weekend that I could in order to help organize my thoughts.  I felt the soreness of the weekend as I sat in the van, moved around the airport, and settled down onto the plane.  I smiled to myself as I leaned against my Pubsie and tried not to let myself cry the whole way home.

Thank you to EVERYONE who made my weekend as amazing as it was.  I love you all so much and have bought some lottery tickets in the hope of being able to someday buy the spanking island commune for all of us.

Boardwalk Badness Weekend Part II

Friday morning came quickly as Heather had to get up early and run for hair and makeup in preparation for the  fashion show.  Thankfully Publikk was willing to run and get me coffee as I slowly pulled myself out of bed.  Uncle Mike managed to lure us to the Newbie/Shybie party with the promise of the best pizza in Atlantic City!


I headed down to the Tanner Suite and squeezed myself into the room hoping to sneak a piece of pizza right away.  That part didn't work, but I was able to see wifey number two, the beautiful Aurora and sneak a hug from her without squealing too loud and interrupting Uncle Mike.  I had never attended a newbie party before and found the information to be very interesting.  If you are reading this and are thinking of attending your first party, please go to these meetings.  They provide a lot of information and helpful advice!  I patiently waited eyeing that pizza and thankfully the questions and information section ended soon!  I grabbed a giant slice of pepperoni and sighed (enter obligatory "that's what she said" comment).  The pizza was delicious.

After the meeting I was finally able to throw my arms around my longtime friend Richard Windsor.  The poor guy was so tired after his pool and hot tub party, he went to bed early and missed hanging out with me!!  At first I sent him a text with idle threats about how he better not be at the bar without me!  Together with Aurora, Jules, Uncle Mike,  Kor-E, Buzzy, and my husband, we went downstairs to help set up the ballroom for the weekend's activities.  Aurora, Jules, and I set up the ladies freshen up area (which we probably moved around way more than necessary) and the guys put up the spanking booths.  The time went by quickly and soon we were running to get ready to "bunny up" for the vendors meet and greet!

Last year I was so excited to be asked to be one of the bunny greeters.  I have no idea why they asked me because I am no where near as cute and adorable as the other bunny greeters, but they offered me bunny ears and a tail and I said hellz yeah!  I loved it so much I held on to my bunny ears in the hope of being asked again.  As bunny greeters it was our job to walk and greet people and try to make them feel welcome to the party.  San Francisco Tom was nice enough to buy us all a "bunny shot" and what kind of bunny event would it be if we didn't all join in and do the bunny hop across the room!

I didn't realize until after we all "de-bunnied" that I didn't get any bunny pictures of the girls this year!  So instead I offer you this:

   Amazing what guys will do when girls pout! ;)

The three hours passed by quickly and soon it was time to put the bunny ears away and report to the tanner suite for our meeting with Aunt Miranda!

Miranda is the sweetest and badassy-est woman I know.  She gives amazing advice, is hilarious, and has a heart of gold.  She could tell how awful I was feeling Thursday night and knew how to make me feel better.  She asked for the cousins to come to her suite because she found the cutest little perfume bottles and gave them to us as presents.  At the time of this writing I can not find the adorable box they came in, but I KNOW I packed it somewhere!  I will come back and add it in as soon as I can find it!

I am naughty perfume!!

I was so touched by the nice things Miranda said to us that I almost forgot it was time to get ready for the vendor's fair!!

To be continued...

Boardwalk Badness Weekend Part I

I am back from another amazing party weekend at BBW!!!!  To fight the drop, I have spent last night and parts of today attempting to jot down every memory that I could think of and actually hurry up and blog about the weekend before I forget!!  This was the best party I have ever been to and I had several memorable moments with great people, chosen family and friends.  Based on the notes I jotted down, I will need to break the weekend up into several blog posts, lol.


So I present to you:  BOARDWALK BADNESS WEEKEND 2014 from the view point of SAS.  Enjoy.



The week leading up to BBW was not a great week for me.  Due to some things going on in my vanilla life, I have been extra jumpy and stressed. Last Sunday my face decided to revolt against me and my lips broke out really bad.  I looked as if I walked into something, was punched in the mouth, or fell on my face.  I was horrified.  With bad news on Thursday prior to leaving for the party, I was extra shaky, nervous, and miserable.  I was feeling so horrible about everything and myself that I almost backed out of going to the party at all.  Worse, I was worried that people would take one look at my face and run for the hills!

                                        
                                                                     "Face Leprosy" 

We left town Thursday evening and started our adventure north to Atlantic City.  I was on pins and needles and bouncing with both nerves and excitement.  I was terribly jealous of all the people who were already at the party and texts were coming all day asking where we were!  I hate having to miss some of the fun but unfortunately I just don't have the extra days to take off!  This was the first BBW party where we were actually staying until Monday!  Even though we got an extra day, I couldn't help but wish I was able to take off MORE time.  ;)

Our travels were uneventful until we attempted to get our rental car.  One guy working the counter and we were the last flight of the night!  It took him ONE FREAKING HOUR to give us our car.  I was climbing up the walls as this point.  Didn't the rental place understand that we had a party to get to!!??

Finally on our way, we didn't end up getting to the hotel until after 1am.  Taking the elevator to the suite floor, I tried to bury my face in my coat so no one would see my face leprosy since any makeup I did have on had worn off.  Unfortunately (only at that one moment), our room was on the suite floor and I was unable to duck into my room unseen.  As happy as I was to see friends, I was tired, annoyed with the rental car place, still nervous and upset about how people would react to my face, and hyped up on emotions.  Quickly looking for Heather who kindly had offered to share her room with us, I tried to avoid as many people as possible until I had the chance to freshen up!

I was a nervous wreck as I decided to brave the people, but luckily the first people I saw were my lovely girls who made me feel better about my face.  I was so mortified as my eyes teared up, but my horrible week and face leprosy made me so anxious that I couldn't help it.  Hugs from jules helped to calm me down and words of encouragement reminded me why I love these wonderful people!!  Feeling much braver I went in the rooms and hugged and greeted many as I jumped up and down squealed!  1/3 of THE POWER waited up for me as the lovely Ms. Sarah_Rocks threw her arms around me!  Rainyspanker greeted my with his tradition bear hug that involved picking me up into the air.  I believe my favorite greeting of the night came from Uncle OS when I thought I was leaning in for a hug and was bent over the ottoman and spanked instead!!  That is officially my party record as the fastest I've ever been spanked at a party.  Thursday night (or I guess I should say Friday morning!) came to an end as I had some amazing girl catch up time, a nightcap, and went to bed around 3am.  Pretty early for me!  We had a whole weekend of partying ahead of us.  ;)

Sometimes I Just Want It

It was a long work week.  The kind of week where I hate my job and just want to quit.

I'm tired.  I'm cranky.  I don't want to do ANYTHING.

Well, that isn't completely true.

There is ONE thing I want...


The problem is, I know it's been the same type of week for him.

We are both in a place where we are not happy with where we are and what we do.

We want a change and it's a mood killer.

I know what I want... but how do I know that HE wants it too.

What is a girl to do?

I normally get home from work first, and today was one of those days.  I sat on the couch and wondered how to approach it.

Do I just ask?  Do I playfully brat?  Is he too tired to play?

As the clock ticks I wait, and wonder what to do.

Sure enough, he comes home tired.  "I just want to sit for a moment," he says.

So I wait.

I prepare dinner and debate my next move.

I understand where he is coming from.  I feel the same way.  I just want to sit.  Relax.  De-stress from day.

Unfortunately my want is high.  I want to be handled.  I want my hair pulled.  I want to be pulled over his knee, my pants yanked downed, and spanked hard and furiously.

But does he want it too?

Subtle hints don't work.  My fantasy of being dominated is not going to be fulfilled today.  The question in my brain now is, do I give up or do I compromise?

I decide to be assertive.

I walk over to him and smile.  As he smiles back I slowly undo the buckle of my pants and slide them down.  My panties are cute.  White with pink hearts scattered about.  A pair that I know he loves.  I give him a knowing smile as I grab his hands.

"What is this," he asks.

Instead of answering I place myself over his knees.

"I need this tonight," I say.  "Please.  Give me what I need."

He chuckles and smiles down at me.  "You know how to ask," he says.

"Please," I beg.  "Give me what I want."

He slowly pulls my panties down to me knees.  I feel the cool air hit my bare bottom before he begins to rub his hand on my right cheek.  "It is my pleasure," he says.

Then a hard smack. The kind that causes me to gasp and catch my breath.

I smile and close my eyes.  This is what I need.


,

What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

Or something like that.

I go by a name in the scene that I picked out just because I liked it.  It is simple, cute, easy to rhyme, and is a good description of how I come across as a person.  I've been given many additional nicknames, all which I love due to my friends creating those names for me.  I'm not trying to "reinvent' myself by naming this blog SaS, it is just an honest description of who I am.  A description that humors many and horrifies me.

See, I am very awkward.  I try to play it off, but I have always been different.  Not only just a spanko freak, but I am a girl that has no filter and I am plague with anxiety and self esteem issues.  I do not always know how to act in situations, especially those that involve meeting new people.  I am very aware of the fact that I say (and do) stupid and uncomfortable things, and there is nothing I can do but own that fact.   Sometimes I am grateful that I am fully aware of my lack of social awareness (maybe I can change!) other times I feel that ignorance would truly be a bliss.  Meeting new people causes me to break out into a cold sweat, my heart starts to pump and I smile creepily as I pray to myself that I don't say anything offensive OR stupid.  I always hope that the people I am meeting don't realize how clumsy my words are until after they get to know me.  Then maybe they will think my silly faux pas are an endearing quality of my overall personality and not a gruesome turnoff.

I am very fortunate to have met many wonderful scene people who have become amazing friends.  They are my family.  I met my husband through the scene and we enjoy traveling to parties both large and small.  In my head though, there is always a little voice telling me that I don't really fit in.  I fight with this voice for entire parties.  It hits me hard in both the spanking and vanilla worlds.  As needy and crazy as it sounds (even to me), I worry that people are mad at me for something and I just don't know why.  Or they put up with me because one person likes me and they don't want to hurt their feelings.  I am aware enough to tell this voice in my head to shut up, but then I get anxious about being too anxious and worry that people will think I'm too needy...without ever saying any of this aloud.  

Crazy, right?

Over the years I have become much better at developing my cooping skills, but my anxiety still lingers and will always be a part of my life. To help myself enjoy more out of life, I finally decided to own it.  Laugh at myself instead of cry.  I give hugs and refuse to dwell on the nagging thoughts of whether I am being hugged back or pushed away.   Share those cringe worthy moments, because even I eventually (after my mortification fades ;) ) see the humor in what I accidentally do.

So here I shall share these tales.  Both for the amusement of my readers (which I will hopefully have) and to cleanse my soul.  Welcome to my adventures of living as a socially awkward spanko.