Shadowlane XII: Goodbye... for now!

This is my final Shadowlane party post.  Feel free to click on any of the links below to catch up on prior posts:

                                    Part I  Part II  Part III  Part IV Part V 
                             Part VI Part VII Part VIII Part IX Part X Part XI

We spread out in a circle around the room to play tops vs bottoms catchphrase.  Basically how it works is for every point the ladies get, we get two minutes of personal service.  For every points the guys get, we get six swats.  We agreed early on that the winning team must win by two points, and that ended up resulting in one of the longest runs of catchphrase that we had ever played. 

We are an extremely competitive group.  As the rounds continued the tension rose as we playfully fought for the title of, um, catchphrase champion!  We managed to tie, and then flip back and forth between one point before the ladies finally won.  It is fun to watch everyone’s different reactions.  OS would grab the catchmaker out of my hand practically ripping my fingers off, where Dirk would remain calm and slowly sound out his clues as the gentlemen in the room would shout desperately at him. 

The giddy, tiredness started to hit us as silly conversations arose.  At one part we were arguing about what part of the worm silk comes out.  Laughing I said, “Are we really discussing what comes out of a worm’s ass!?”  The game playing continued on until after 6am and the sunrise.  I was having so much fun I didn't want the weekend to end. 

Unfortunately, good things eventually DO have to end.  We gave out some hugs and headed back to our room in an attempt to get a few hours of sleep.  Pubsie and I had to be heading out to the airport in a few hours to catch our flight home.  A brief nap, and soon our alarm was going off for us to gather our supplies and get out of dodge.

Not wanting to wake up everyone in the other suite, I was able to give a few hugs out and fight back tears.  Sometimes it is good to be the first person leaving because I do not have to be a sobbing mess when the majority of my friends were still sleeping.  I gave my wifey a huge hug, and then a few people in the other suite, before Pubsie prodded me along.  Kor-E and Maria were nice enough to give us a ride to the airport, and I fought back tears as we said goodbye.  Pubsie gave me a big hug and wiped a few of my tears as we headed into the airport.

Leaving parties are so hard for me.  I do not have many close friends in the vanilla world, and my spanko family means the world to me.  I really wished that we didn't have to be scattered all over the country, but it makes me happy that for people who truly care for one another, ways will be found to be together.  Until I find my place in this crazy world, I will continue to buy lottery tickets in the hope of purchasing that spanko commune for all of us to enjoy. 

To my spanking family:  Thank you so much for your kindness, love, and company.  I cannot wait for our next adventure!

Shadowlane Part XI: My Final Scene of the Weekend

Geez... I'm on post XI already. :-p  Here are all the others if you would like to see what I have been blabbing on about!

                              Part I  Part II  Part III  Part IV Part V 
                             Part VI Part VII Part VIII Part IX Part X

As the suites started to wind down, we slowly started to head up to suite 1016 for our super-overly-competitive-game-time. ;)  As we waited for everyone to show up, StrictDave's blowgun made another appearance.  OS was aiming for a water bottle and managed to dart the chair and the magazine that was the background behind the water bottle. It definitely was much harder to shoot than it looked!  I was very intrigued to try it, and Somaholiday passed on her words of wisdom that was taught to her by StrictDave.  Giving it a try, I managed to nail the water bottle on the first try.  Turns out, I was oddly good at shooting the thing and now I want one!  I'm not a hunter or anything (in fact I like to think that my protein magically shows up packaged at supermarkets as opposed to what really happens), but you never know.  It never hurts to be prepared for the zombie apocalypse. Most likely I will get it and shoot up the shed in my backyard for two months before getting sick of it and never using it again.  :-P

It was nice to hang out and chat, and I was looking up something on my phone when OS asked if we had a few minutes.  Since not everyone was there yet, of course we did.  Me being as dense as I am didn't understand what he was asking, so without looking up from my phone I told him kind of snarkyish if he needed a few minutes, take a few minutes.  "Do what you have to do OS!  We'll wait for you!"  He responded with a "good" and picked up his nasty hairbrush from the coffee table and grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the bedroom.  I protested because I honestly thought he had to use the bathroom or something.  

Inside the bedroom he told me to get in the corner.  I let out a disgruntled noise and shot a dirty look because I hate standing in the corner.  He responded with, "you know how I like you to stand in the corner, so it would be in your best interest to do that!!"

I sighed and stuck my nose in the corner but realized I still had my phone in my hand.  I turned to him and held it up and he took it saying that that was a wise move. I turned my nose back to the corner and he pulled my pj bottoms down to where they were hugging my lower cheeks.  

I do struggle with corner time.  I have a.d.d. and am unable to stand still in one spot for very long.  Corner time has been a battle of my wills vs my desire to please my play partners.  I hate it, but I like that my partners enjoy it and want to please them as well.  Thankfully OS seems to understand not to push and has never made me stand in the same spot for too long.  His tone and demeanor put butterflies in my tummy and I was a tiny bit nervous when he called me over to him.  

He pulled me over his lap and started to spank as he asked me if I knew why I was getting this particular spanking.  In my defense, it was very late Sunday night (technically Monday morning) of a spanking party and thanks to the abnormally long party drought for me between BBW and Shadowlane, I may have done and said a lot of sassy things in the four months between parties.  I was not sure what exactly he was talking about, and I also didn't want to provide any more ammunition just in case I was reminding him about things he didn't think of or things he maybe had forgotten about.  

Slightly amused, he told me to think harder and switched to that nasty hairbrush.  Trying desperately to think up the correct answer, I begged for a timeline.  Slightly smirking he said, "sure!  It was last May!"  I believe that was when the panties came down.

That did help and at first I asked if it was the online detention slips/punishment book shenanigans (it wasn't) and then I remembered the photo.  The Ohio State finger salut.  That brought us closer to the real reason.  Now it was not the picture (he does have a sense of humor) that he was thinking about, but an actual reaction to something I did/texted that was very real and very powerful to me that that was what he was spanking me for.  It is so hard for me to let people get inside my head, and he nailed it.  This was something I struggle with (with everyone, not just him or Spankos) and he had just called me out on it.  

I do not get spanked for real things very often, and by real I mean something I do not do on purpose.  It may seem like such a little thing to anyway else, but for me it was something that I have and continue to battle in my neurotic brain and occasionally get taken advantage of because if it.  When I pulled it on OS, he called it out way back in May, but it didn't register with me at the time.  That is how often I do this. It is second nature and I don't realize I am doing it.  I know it must be frustrating because I am not saying what it is, but this is my blog so you will just have to deal with it. ;)

My mindset had completely changed and I was caught slightly off guard, mostly because that is how rare it is to get in my head and put me into a submissive demeanor.  I was sorry and I no longer knew how to react.

The scolding made my eyes water and I tried very hard to stay focused and do as he asked.  The hairbrush continued to come down as I struggled against the sting of the wood wishing that I had played more during the day to be warmed up enough to take it gracefully.  My mind was still processing pain, scolding, and being disappointed with myself not to be more trusting of someone I adore so much.  

I don't remember ever seeing such a serious look on OS's face before. He took off his belt and told me that he was going to reinforce this lesson with his belt to help me remember in the future.  

I am not sure exactly what is wrong with me, but I do know that if I say the right words our scene will wrap up.  However, I became tongue tied.  I'm not sure if it is my inner stubbornness to test his resolve and see if he really DOES mean it, or the fact that I really felt that I deserved the discomfort, or the fact that my headspace was in the right spot to accept stroke after stroke, but I stayed silent with the exception of shrieks when the belt came down on a particularly tender spot.  The strokes continued with out stopping for quite a while.  I'm not even sure how long he ended up strapping me.  I turned a few times to see if I could catch his eye and possibly end the scene with my "I'm really sorry eyes", but the look and focus on his face was one of a top that wasn't going to stop until I submitted to what he had asked.  

Something in my brain finally clicked and I found my words.  Our scene wrapped up with some remarks, and then because I opened up my big mouth and made some remarks in an attempt to lighten my mood and be funny, I ended up back on the bed for a few more. 

OS told me that my bottom was very red and to go check it out in a mirror.  He was right.  It was the reddest I have seen it in a long time and I actually regret that we didn't get a picture.  I think that almost all the marks I got from the weekend were from this one scene. He gave me a big hug and whispered how he loved me, but as the adrenaline from the scene was wearing off, I was actually shaking and needed to sit down.  OS grabbed me some water as I calmed down and tried to de-fuzz my brain.  Of course in this moment I started apologizing for shaking and because I was just now realizing how long I had let that scene go on when others were waiting for us. I was even told to take a sip of water every time I wanted to say I was sorry, but I really wanted to apologize for being a pain in the ass and not submitting earlier.  He just shook his head and said, "you can't help yourself, can you!?"  I promise to keep working on it!

Thinking back, it was pretty selfish of me to hog up all his time, but it was the type of intensity that I had been craving for a long time and he is one of the few tops that I trust enough to give it to me.  When we went to join the rest of our friends for a night of games, sweet Stacy looked so concerned and she asked me if I was all right. I said yes, and thanked her for being so sweet and kind and nice enough to share her daddy.  Stacy and OS have this beautiful relationship and I know that they do not get to spend as much time together as they would like.  The fact that Stacy is nice enough to share her precious time is something I am incredibly grateful for.  She could easily tell me to go away and I would be more than happy to oblige! It is this kindness that makes us feel as if we are a real family.  We genuinely care for each other.  Heck, it is much nicer than what my real family is capable of giving.  :-P  

The adrenaline was definitely wearing off and I could feel the results of that particular spanking as I sat on the couch to get ready for an intense version of spanko catchphrase!

Shadowlane Part VII

In case you haven't noticed, I ramble a LOT.  Check out my other six parts:

                     Part I  Part II  Part III  Part IV Part V Part VI

My friends in the scene are great for many reasons.  One thing we are not so great at?  Leaving for ANYTHING on time.   It is like herding cats.  Phrases like, “I’ll be ready in 20 minutes” can easily translate to one hour. We don’t move quickly.

In order to help solve this problem, many people are given times that are at least a half hour earlier than needed.  I was standing in our suite bathroom finishing my hair when I received a text from OS saying, “Get down here, ASAP!”  Thinking something was wrong, I quickly left my room and headed down to the other room. 

“GREAT!  She’s here!”  OS said when I knocked.  Nothing was wrong, just the herding process.  Grumbling, I headed back to our suite to unplug my straightener and gather the rest of our room.  I was actually very pleased with how my dress, hair, and makeup looked.  Until RainySpanker stuck his palm on my face, rubbed it down and ruined my eye makeup.  -_-

“You can’t do that to girls!!”  I screeched angrily at him and left the suite and ran back to mine.  Sure enough my mascara was now sitting underneath my eye giving me the look of a half faced raccoon.

I am led to believe that the married men of the group yelled at RainySpanker for me informing him that he just delayed the cat herding process by another 10-20 minutes.  He seemed so apologetic, he even let me punch him in the shoulder which I was more than happy to take advantage of.  Hard.

Finally the whole group was ready to leave for dinner, and somehow managed to make it on time.  There is something great about sitting with good friends, good conversation, and good food.  Dinner left me full in many ways.  My hunger was satisfied and my well-being was satisfied.   We laughed, we drank, and of course we ate.  Many of us were hitting the food coma wall as we headed back to get ready for a night of suite parties.

Hanging out as some people changed clothing and some people "rested their eyes,"  Stephen Lewis came down to visit.  I gave him my winning smile, but all he could exclaim was, "THERE is that SMILE again."  Aurora had to point out that I just have a very insincere smile.  Laughter abound, I pointed out that that wins as the MEANEST thing anyone has ever said to me!  :-P  I couldn't help but laugh.  A few months ago we had a fetlife thread about how people always seem to think I am up to something, even when I am not.  I am starting to develop a complex about my smile.

With some of us falling asleep and some of us getting our second wind, a split group headed out towards Tom and Joe’s open suites.  After a day of playing, the Saturday night suite parties were very calm for me.   Late night, yes, but little play.  Enjoying conversations with friends was my night.

I know that this is a spanko blog and this entire post has nothing to do with spankings.  Many people not familiar to the large party scenes seem to think that these parties are non stop play for 3-4 days.  In reality, it is coming together with people who share the same secret we all share and getting to know them.  There is something freeing about having friends who know you.  REALLY know you.  They know who you are, what you do, what you like, and they know you are a spanko too.  Not only do they not shun you or question you about your kink, they celebrate it with you.  It is this comradery that has made me addicted to spanking parties. 

Strictdave put out his court box and I did take the time to figure out how to word my “Reckless Abandonment” case.  Stacy tried to warn me that the larger the accusation, the harder the spanking if I were to lose!  I felt good, but I've felt good about many other cases too which would end up with me losing.  I decided to “go big” and added my slip to the court box.  I couldn't wait to fight my case.  ;)

Hugging is Good Medicine

Picture taken from Facebook

The photo above was posted by one of my friends on my vanilla facebook.  I love it.  The drop that hits after an amazing party is terrible.  It really makes me realize how lonely I am in my town and how I wish that we lived closer to friends.  Don't get me wrong, I love my husband.  He is my rock, my soul mate, my best friend.  I just haven't made any connections, vanilla or other, since moving here.  It's lonely.

Hugging is good medicine.  I fully believe that.  I crave hugs.  I love to give hugs.  I love to receive them.  Above all else, I love to be held, pulled in and loved.  I crave that attention.  The little girl in me wants to be held tight and told that everything will be okay.  

A huge part of a good scene for me is the after hug.  Even during short party scenes, I love the after hug.  If I just let you beat my bottom, please take the time for a squeeze.  It helps me connect with you.  During long, more mentally and emotionally intimate scenes, ending without being pulled in and hugged would destroy me.  

If a girl chooses, she will put her heart in your hand.  She will be raw and vulnerable.  If she grants you that gift, hold her.  Talk to her.  Provide soothing words.  Stroke her hair.  Kiss her forhead!  For that moment, hold as if you will never let go.  Do not take her gift to you for granted.

Remember that spankos are hug-os.  Get your 12 hugs a day for personal growth.