Shadowlane Part XI: My Final Scene of the Weekend

Geez... I'm on post XI already. :-p  Here are all the others if you would like to see what I have been blabbing on about!

                              Part I  Part II  Part III  Part IV Part V 
                             Part VI Part VII Part VIII Part IX Part X

As the suites started to wind down, we slowly started to head up to suite 1016 for our super-overly-competitive-game-time. ;)  As we waited for everyone to show up, StrictDave's blowgun made another appearance.  OS was aiming for a water bottle and managed to dart the chair and the magazine that was the background behind the water bottle. It definitely was much harder to shoot than it looked!  I was very intrigued to try it, and Somaholiday passed on her words of wisdom that was taught to her by StrictDave.  Giving it a try, I managed to nail the water bottle on the first try.  Turns out, I was oddly good at shooting the thing and now I want one!  I'm not a hunter or anything (in fact I like to think that my protein magically shows up packaged at supermarkets as opposed to what really happens), but you never know.  It never hurts to be prepared for the zombie apocalypse. Most likely I will get it and shoot up the shed in my backyard for two months before getting sick of it and never using it again.  :-P

It was nice to hang out and chat, and I was looking up something on my phone when OS asked if we had a few minutes.  Since not everyone was there yet, of course we did.  Me being as dense as I am didn't understand what he was asking, so without looking up from my phone I told him kind of snarkyish if he needed a few minutes, take a few minutes.  "Do what you have to do OS!  We'll wait for you!"  He responded with a "good" and picked up his nasty hairbrush from the coffee table and grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the bedroom.  I protested because I honestly thought he had to use the bathroom or something.  

Inside the bedroom he told me to get in the corner.  I let out a disgruntled noise and shot a dirty look because I hate standing in the corner.  He responded with, "you know how I like you to stand in the corner, so it would be in your best interest to do that!!"

I sighed and stuck my nose in the corner but realized I still had my phone in my hand.  I turned to him and held it up and he took it saying that that was a wise move. I turned my nose back to the corner and he pulled my pj bottoms down to where they were hugging my lower cheeks.  

I do struggle with corner time.  I have a.d.d. and am unable to stand still in one spot for very long.  Corner time has been a battle of my wills vs my desire to please my play partners.  I hate it, but I like that my partners enjoy it and want to please them as well.  Thankfully OS seems to understand not to push and has never made me stand in the same spot for too long.  His tone and demeanor put butterflies in my tummy and I was a tiny bit nervous when he called me over to him.  

He pulled me over his lap and started to spank as he asked me if I knew why I was getting this particular spanking.  In my defense, it was very late Sunday night (technically Monday morning) of a spanking party and thanks to the abnormally long party drought for me between BBW and Shadowlane, I may have done and said a lot of sassy things in the four months between parties.  I was not sure what exactly he was talking about, and I also didn't want to provide any more ammunition just in case I was reminding him about things he didn't think of or things he maybe had forgotten about.  

Slightly amused, he told me to think harder and switched to that nasty hairbrush.  Trying desperately to think up the correct answer, I begged for a timeline.  Slightly smirking he said, "sure!  It was last May!"  I believe that was when the panties came down.

That did help and at first I asked if it was the online detention slips/punishment book shenanigans (it wasn't) and then I remembered the photo.  The Ohio State finger salut.  That brought us closer to the real reason.  Now it was not the picture (he does have a sense of humor) that he was thinking about, but an actual reaction to something I did/texted that was very real and very powerful to me that that was what he was spanking me for.  It is so hard for me to let people get inside my head, and he nailed it.  This was something I struggle with (with everyone, not just him or Spankos) and he had just called me out on it.  

I do not get spanked for real things very often, and by real I mean something I do not do on purpose.  It may seem like such a little thing to anyway else, but for me it was something that I have and continue to battle in my neurotic brain and occasionally get taken advantage of because if it.  When I pulled it on OS, he called it out way back in May, but it didn't register with me at the time.  That is how often I do this. It is second nature and I don't realize I am doing it.  I know it must be frustrating because I am not saying what it is, but this is my blog so you will just have to deal with it. ;)

My mindset had completely changed and I was caught slightly off guard, mostly because that is how rare it is to get in my head and put me into a submissive demeanor.  I was sorry and I no longer knew how to react.

The scolding made my eyes water and I tried very hard to stay focused and do as he asked.  The hairbrush continued to come down as I struggled against the sting of the wood wishing that I had played more during the day to be warmed up enough to take it gracefully.  My mind was still processing pain, scolding, and being disappointed with myself not to be more trusting of someone I adore so much.  

I don't remember ever seeing such a serious look on OS's face before. He took off his belt and told me that he was going to reinforce this lesson with his belt to help me remember in the future.  

I am not sure exactly what is wrong with me, but I do know that if I say the right words our scene will wrap up.  However, I became tongue tied.  I'm not sure if it is my inner stubbornness to test his resolve and see if he really DOES mean it, or the fact that I really felt that I deserved the discomfort, or the fact that my headspace was in the right spot to accept stroke after stroke, but I stayed silent with the exception of shrieks when the belt came down on a particularly tender spot.  The strokes continued with out stopping for quite a while.  I'm not even sure how long he ended up strapping me.  I turned a few times to see if I could catch his eye and possibly end the scene with my "I'm really sorry eyes", but the look and focus on his face was one of a top that wasn't going to stop until I submitted to what he had asked.  

Something in my brain finally clicked and I found my words.  Our scene wrapped up with some remarks, and then because I opened up my big mouth and made some remarks in an attempt to lighten my mood and be funny, I ended up back on the bed for a few more. 

OS told me that my bottom was very red and to go check it out in a mirror.  He was right.  It was the reddest I have seen it in a long time and I actually regret that we didn't get a picture.  I think that almost all the marks I got from the weekend were from this one scene. He gave me a big hug and whispered how he loved me, but as the adrenaline from the scene was wearing off, I was actually shaking and needed to sit down.  OS grabbed me some water as I calmed down and tried to de-fuzz my brain.  Of course in this moment I started apologizing for shaking and because I was just now realizing how long I had let that scene go on when others were waiting for us. I was even told to take a sip of water every time I wanted to say I was sorry, but I really wanted to apologize for being a pain in the ass and not submitting earlier.  He just shook his head and said, "you can't help yourself, can you!?"  I promise to keep working on it!

Thinking back, it was pretty selfish of me to hog up all his time, but it was the type of intensity that I had been craving for a long time and he is one of the few tops that I trust enough to give it to me.  When we went to join the rest of our friends for a night of games, sweet Stacy looked so concerned and she asked me if I was all right. I said yes, and thanked her for being so sweet and kind and nice enough to share her daddy.  Stacy and OS have this beautiful relationship and I know that they do not get to spend as much time together as they would like.  The fact that Stacy is nice enough to share her precious time is something I am incredibly grateful for.  She could easily tell me to go away and I would be more than happy to oblige! It is this kindness that makes us feel as if we are a real family.  We genuinely care for each other.  Heck, it is much nicer than what my real family is capable of giving.  :-P  

The adrenaline was definitely wearing off and I could feel the results of that particular spanking as I sat on the couch to get ready for an intense version of spanko catchphrase!

Shadowlane Part IX: Punished and Dealing with Party Life as a Crazy Person.

Catch up on my other party posts:

         Part I  Part II  Part III  Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII Part VIII

After a nice drive back to the hotel with Dirk and Pubsie, I headed upstairs with a brief stop into the other suite before heading to ours.  While walking down the hallway, I realized that I didn’t have my phone on me.  I assumed that I left the phone in the car, so I asked Pubsie if he could run down and try to catch Dirk before the valet parked his car.

While freshening up, it occurred to me that maybe I had left my phone in the other suite and so I headed back down to 1016.  After knocking Stacy held up my phone and said, “here it is!  Pubsie called and I answered it… he said to tell you that you are in BIG trouble.”

I closed my eyes for a second and said thank you for finding my phone and letting them know it was up here.  OS was laughing because he thought that it was awesome that Pubsie announced that I was in trouble.  We do not have a DD dynamic in our relationship, so Pubsie actually announcing that meant he was REALLY annoyed with me.

After that comment there was no way I was going back to my suite.

 

Rather quickly Dirk and Pubsie arrived at the suite and my one idea was to hide.  Pretty much a classic cousin panicked based plan, I ran into Heather's, Somaholiday's, and OS’s bedroom and darted to the closet.  Why was this a classic cousin plan?  I was trapped without a real plan of action, but at the time I thought it was a great idea!  Since jules was unable to make this party, I apparently began to channel her spirit.  ;)

It worked for a second because Pubsie thought I hid in the bathroom.  However, Dirk checked the closet and pulled me out.  I was feeling horrible when both gentlemen started to scold me.  I did have to yell back, because both men thought it would be funny to make it out much worse than it was and I was already at the point of tears.  They did end up ripping out the back seat of Dirk’s rental car, but luckily no permanent car damage was done.

Pubsie bent me over the bed and took off his belt and began to strap me for the hassle.  OS decided it would be extra helpful to put his ridiculous ginormous hairbrush on the bed.  I glared at him and told him to mind his own business, and luckily both Dirk and Pubsie were too…“distracted” to notice the hairbrush.  When Pubsie was done he offered his belt to Dirk since I inconvenienced him as well.  Dirk was all too happy to comply.

I could tell that Pubsie was still a little annoyed, but Dirk was very forgiving.  He told me that it was worth it since he got to belt me.  I’m glad that Dirk is so easily appeased. 

I’ve mentioned before how I am a little “bat-shit-crazy” and with the emotions that run high throughout a whole weekend, there tends to be a moment where I finally break.

My anxiety embarrasses me.  I hate for people to see me cry.  I hate thinking that people are judging me because of my anxiety.  I am afraid that people are thinking that I am just looking for attention, and I am afraid that people think they have to walk on eggshells around me because of it.

One of the reasons why I am willing to talk about it is because for years I thought I was the only person who dealt with anxiety.  Growing up it was hard to keep friends because of it.  Who wants to be friends with a crybaby?  So I learned to hide it as best as I could.  If I feel a panic attack coming on, I try to sneak away until I can get a control of my emotions.  Without being on anxiety drugs, it is harder to calm down.  I want others who may also deal with anxiety to understand that they are not alone and to never be afraid to talk to others about it if help is needed.

What the trigger was is not important, but while I was in the suite with everyone I felt my panic rise and I started having difficulty breathing.  Trying to remain calm, I smiled and laughed with everyone as I slowly got up and moved to the door in hopes of being able to sneak out unnoticed.  I headed down to our suite and moved into our bedroom.  Still feeling that I was too exposed, I locked myself into our bathroom and sat in our tub as I cried and tried to gain control of myself.  I’m not sure how long I was in the bathroom, but I eventually managed to calm myself down enough to get out and move towards getting a bottle of water.

Apparently I did not escape completely unnoticed.  When I opened the bathroom door I noticed that Kor-E was in the room waiting for me to come out.  When I saw him I instantly teared up again embarrassed to have been caught.  He and I had a long talk and even played a bit.  I was feeling better after our talk, but the well had been tapped and I knew that I would need some more time before I would be ready to face everybody.

Pubsie came down and gave me a big hug, and I asked him to leave me alone for a bit.  Until I was able to pass the eye makeup test (not crying with eye makeup on!), I didn't want to go downstairs and I didn't want him to think he had to stay and babysit me while a party was going on.  I was afraid of people noticing that something was wrong.

I was hiding in the room when my beautiful wifey came in.  She hadn't realized that I had been hiding and she was quick to provide a big hug.  We were able to talk and I was finally starting to feel normal again.  With Pubsie texting me to come down to the suite parties, and Aurora’s ‘lovin’, I finally felt like I could come back to joining everyone.

For those of you who know me, you know I smoke.  I have manage to stop smoking but have a few triggers that I have not yet gotten past.  One hurdle was not smoking at a spanking party.  I was doing so well that I actually felt like I could brag about it.  I figured if I told people I wasn't smoking I would make sure that I wasn't smoking.  After this anxiety attack I only had one thing on my brain.  Get a cigarette and REALLY relax.

Of course the first cigarette I was able to bum, out came YS, Beth, and Ellee.  That was the end of my bragging.  I do wish I could have gone a whole spanking weekend without smoking, but considering I normally go through a pack and half a party weekend, the two cigarettes (the second smoke is for a later story) that I had were a strong start and hopefully the next party I can make it the whole weekend. 

Finally feeling up to seeing people, I took a deep breath and headed down to join the Sunday night suite party in 460.

Part VI

Catch up on the other blog posts here:

                    Part I  Part II  Part III  Part IV Part V

After the British discipline session, Aurora and I headed back to our room to change for the TTYL (tight, thongs, yoga pants, leggings) party.  This is one of the suite parties that makes me really nervous. I do not think I look nice in anything that is form fitting, but I hate missing out on seeing friends.  Sucking it up and putting my big girl panties on, I put on a pair of leggings and tried not to think of how it must look to everyone else.  This is one reason why having anxiety sucks.  I know that my brain is lying to me, but I can't help but believe it a little. 

We arrived to the suite and I quickly found my husband talking with RainySpanker, OS and Kor-E.  Kor-E apparently got my latte message and wanted to know what had really happened to the latte.  He seemed convinced that I drank it.  My stubborn side kicked in.  I told him that I have no idea what he was talking about and he should probably ask the maid since I had rejected his latte conditions. 

Kor-E bent me over a chair, and started interrogating me.  I was super stubborn. I refused to admit that I knew anything about the location, condition, and/or taste of said latte. No one gets away with putting on added conditions to my latte beverages without giving me the chance to reject them!

I knew that I wasn't going to budge. I threw out a compromise. Take away the conditions on the latte, and maybe I will remember what had happened to the latte.  

Since he was being completely unreasonable and refusing to acknowledge my compromise, it was time for me to throw out some bigger ammunition. 
"I have offered a compromise!" I said accusingly,  "if you don't take it, you are going to ruin me for the entire weekend!" :(

Kor-E wavered for a few more strokes before finally agreeing to remove the conditions that were attached to the gifted latte. 

I promptly admitted that I drank the latte and it was delicious.  ;)

After our battle of the wills scene, Kor-E apparently had spanker's remorse.  He told me I was not allowed to look at him or smile at him the rest of the afternoon.  

I enjoyed the afternoon party chatting and talking and enjoying a few of the scenes that were going on around me.  I unfortunately can no longer remember what had prompted the next of my scenes, but apparently OS and RainySpanker have some type of secret code.  The next thing I knew they had two chairs facing each other and pulled me over both of their knees.  OS focused on the right while RainySpanker focused on the left (I think), and the two continued to spank me simultaneously.  It was quite the interesting sensation that had me struggling since there wasn't any pause or break to give my cheeks a chance to recover before the next swat came down.  The scene also attracted the attentions of many of the party goers as they watched the chaos.  It really appealed to my exhibitionist side even though it is kind of bothering me that I am not sure what had triggered the scene and what the secret code signal between OS and RainySpanker had been!

We hung around a bit more before heading back up to our suite for some beverages.  It would be soon time to get ready for our evening dinning plans and we were giving strict instructions to be dressed and ready to go on time!

Shadowlane Part IV

If you just got here:

Part I    Part II   Part III

After our detention, Aurora and I headed back to our room to change and go join the suites.   I was looking forward to visiting both Tom and Joe’s suites and I am always grateful that they are willing to open up their suites to entertain the spanking masses.  We headed to Tom’s suite first and right away I saw YS and he gestured for me to come over to him.  I have gotten to know YS and Ellee over the past two years and YS and I had never played before.  I was so excited that he had asked me and the two of us ducked into one of the side bedrooms.  YS claims that he is a converted vanilla,  but I do not believe that!  He spanks way too good to be a vanilla at heart.  ;)  We had such a lovely scene with both his hand and his belt, and of course some giggles mixed in.  First Tom had walked into the bedroom to let us know that pizza had arrived.  I said, “Thanks, Tom”  and we started laughing at the thought of stopping the scene to run and grab some pizza and then continuing with said pizza in hand.  Of course a few minutes later I turned my head to the side and saw a man standing in the doorway eating a piece of pizza without a plate, leering at our scene.  I could not help but start laughing again.  

YS was very perceptive.  I tend to tense up when playing with someone new, and he called me out on it.  However, as he was spanking me with his belt he told me that if he wanted “to go hard, I needed to relax so I could take it.”  I couldn't help myself and blurted out, “THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!” and we both started laughing.  We finished our scene where he provided wonderful rubs and aftercare.  I was so happy that we had been able to play and am looking forward to doing it again!

 We moved from suite to suite and then headed back to 1016 to hang out and visit.  Sweet little Beth had been acting a bit feisty and I am not one hundred percent sure how this happened, but next thing I knew Beth was threatening to hairbrush Stacy and Heather promised to take ten swats from Beth if Beth was able to give Stacy all ten.  Watching Beth be drunk with power was hilarious.  After every swat she would make an evil grin and then proceed to make a speech.  She made it through Stacy’s hairbrushing and grinned wildly at Heather.  For someone reason, Heather’s agreement was changed from 10 to 20, and over Beth’s lap she went.  Beth once again continued with her monologues, but this time it was accompanied with pushing Heather’s head down onto the bed every time she lifted it up.  It felt good to laugh so hard.  :)

Back into the main living room of the suite, a few handful of people were still hanging around.  I asked Heather if she would mind if I used the restroom in her bedroom.  I was washing my hands when I heard a loud bang, and I wasn’t 100% sure what the sound was.  I walked out to the living room and… it was empty.  At first I thought that everyone was hiding (not unusual for this group), but a quick peek around the hotel made me realize… they had forgotten about me.   The loud bang I heard must have been the door closing.   Slightly hurt and slightly amazed that OUR group could move so fast, I went down a floor hoping to find people in the suites.  Kor-E ended up finding me first, and led me to Joe’s suite where everyone was at.  I ask, “What the crap!? You left me in the bathroom!!??”  There was some laughter but I knew that I would have my day in court!

Another late night and after hanging out a bit we slowly all moved towards bed.  We had another busy day ahead of us!

BBW Post XI: Sunday Night Suite Parties and One of my Best Scenes Ever

If you missed any, start here:

Part I

As detention ended, the girls heading on down to join the many people already filling up the suites.  Even though the official party was over, so many people were staying Sunday night.  The atmosphere seems much more relaxed as friends chat and play some last minute scenes.  It is always fun to see the different type of relationships that form and/or strengthen throughout the weekend.  

I watched as certain scenes were set up and smiled as I watched a nervous Heather still in her school girl outfit waiting to get her detention slipped signed.  I threw Aurora under the bus since Publikk hadn't spanked all 3/3s of the power.  I watched hugs being given, drinks being poured, and a wave of happy content outpouring from each of the individual faces of all the party attendees.  

Topjosh and I had swore that we would get a scene in at some point this weekend.  Since it was already Sunday night and we still had not played, he pulled me aside and tried to find some place to play.  All the rooms in the suites were hopping so I suggested that we go down to our room.  Apparently Publikk and Sarah_Rocks had the same idea, so I asked Topjosh if he was okay if they came down to the room as well.

Poor Topjosh!  I don't think he realized what he was signing up for when both Sarah and I are together in a room.  The two of us feed off of each other and Sarah's banter is hilarious.  Josh was cracking up for our entire scene and it was one of the most fun and light-hearted moments of the party!  I was so glad we were able to finally connect and play more than just a few smacks at the end of a party!

As the night went on, I was really hoping that Uncle OS and I would get the chance to reconnect after our earlier scene didn't happen.  Unfortunately for me, I was having a few of my nagging thoughts picking away at my happy thoughts and I was feeling very insecure.  The wave of emotion one goes through at a party is hard on the normal person.  I'm not a normal person, lol.  When emotions, and adrenaline, and hormones build up, I start to become shaky and lose any confidence that I may have.  As much as I wanted this scene, there was no way I was going to ask for it. Being told "no" twice in one party especially by someone I care about may have resulted in my quitting of the scene and turning vanilla forever more!  I also didn't want him to feel like we had to play in some pity play type of way.  So although I had bratted and teased, I wanted him to be sure he knew that he didn't have to play with me.  

Luckily he told me that he still needed to "deal" with me, but he needed to take care of something first. I hung out waiting with butterflies building in my tummy.  I was really worried that I was coming off as way too needy and I paced a little in the hallway in an attempt to calm myself down.   It was nice that while I was waiting a few people asked if I was interested in playing.  I declined stating that I was waiting for a scene and because at that point in the weekend I was starting to wonder what my tolerance was.  When would it be the "last spank" that I could handle?   Unfortunately, Kor-E was one of the people I had to say no and wait until later, but I knew that he knew I was waiting and that there was no way we would go a party without him getting his hands on me!

My nerves had built up and I started pacing again as I waited.  In my head I felt that it was very important for me to mention that I was okay with him not wanting to play and provide him with an out.  When I saw him and his lovely little girl Stacy walking up the hallway, I wanted to mention it to him.  I quietly whispered that I was okay if he didn't want to play and that he really didn't have to.   I was responded with a "No, young lady!  You are not getting out of this."  The he turned and pointed to a corner in the hallway and said, "In fact... go stand in that corner and wait!"  My good friend Stacy came to my rescue and told her Daddy that I do not do corners and that he should read my fetish list!  Thank you Stacy for reading my fetish report! (If you are curious what she was talking about, click here!)  We walked down to my room and he asked when corners became a "red" for me, and I had to explain how it wasn't a hard limit for me, it's just that corner time just doesn't do it for me (especially after staring at the wall during the British Detention all night!).  I have way too much A.D.D. to focus and stand still for too long!!

Cornertime for me involves way too much fidgeting and tugging at my hair!

I don't think I fully realized how much I was craving the type of scene we were about to have.  I knew that I wanted to play, I just didn't think that he would be able to get into my mind and head space the way that he would.  He put me over his knee and began to spank me while talking about my obnoxious feelings.  I didn't want to talk about being rejected, but he dragged it out of me.  When I started crying over it like a pathetic loser, he pulled me in for a hug and held me until I stopped.

When I get nagging thoughts in my head, I do turn a bit stubborn.  I can't remember exactly why, but at some point I refused to comply with what he was saying.  He threatened to get his hairbrush and I made the mistake of rolling my eyes.  That sealed my fate and was told, "I don't care if standing in the corner does nothing for you, you are going to stand there anyway!  Get in a corner!"  When my mouth spoke before my brain and said, "all the corners have stuff in them" I was given one of the sternest looks I have ever received!  I think it may have been a personal record on how fast I turned around and found a corner to stick my nose into!  

I was left to stand in the corner for a short amount of time as he ran and fetched his hairbrush before being put back over his knee.  After being scolded for pulling my panties back up without permission, the swat with the hairbrush came raining down. Uncle OS's hairbrush is one of the meanest hairbrushes around and he has a very unhealthy obsession with it.  Oddly enough though, as much as I hate wood... he has such a great technique with it that it is not the horrible torture that wood usually is on me.  

Between the hairbrushing, and combination of soothing yet stern words, I was starting to let go and allowing myself to submit to the pain and take it in.  It is a very freeing feeling to be able to put my guard down.  I trusted him.  I trusted him to see me at my most vulnerable and I loved it.  He bent me back over the bed and took his belt off and began to strap me.  All I had to say was that I promised to be his good little niece and it would have stopped.  I couldn't bring myself to say it.  I wanted the scene to keep going and I was too stubborn to admit anything! After five minutes he stopped and asked me if I was ready to say it.  I just looked up at him and remained silent.  He said, "Fine.  I can do this all night."  I still wasn't ready to cave after another five minutes.  Even when he started strapping my thighs I stayed silent.  When he said that I wouldn't being wearing any short skirts any time soon...  I stayed silent.  I think it was after 13 straight minutes that I finally said that I was willing to be his good little niece!!!

Apparently I shouldn't wear shorts either... 

Afterwards he pulled me in and held me and talked such sweet words that I tried so hard to let myself believe.  This was one of the best scenes I had ever had and I am so grateful that he is nice enough to want to play with me.  I'm not sure if he knew what a mess I was prior to playing, but that one scene made my whole weekend and it was worth waiting until Sunday night to have it.   It is so rare for someone to be able to tap into my headspace, and it means the world to mean that he did.

Poor Stacy and Heather were waiting for us concerned after he ran out of the room and got his hairbrush!  I was so happy for them to come in and give hugs as I sat in my spacey, after a perfect scene giddiness.  I also loved that they ratted each other out for their school misbehavings and both ended up being bent over the bed for licks of their own.  I sat on the bed and watched like the little perv I am and then I took the opportunity to sneak my own school detention slip into the mix so it would be signed without consequence!  ;)

 Sunday night was such a wonderful night for me.