When Vanilla Life Gets You Down...

I'm going through a bit of a rough patch.  It's vanilla and boring, so I wont get into all of that.  It just really sucks and I have no outlet.  I have to ride this roller coaster over and over not knowing when, or if I will be able to get off the ride.

It is during these moments that my spanking desires are at an all time high.  Yes, I have my normal happy spanking thoughts, but lately much darker, more masochistic desires have been developing in my mind.  I want to be spanked, yes, but I want it to hurt.  I want my hair pulled, my arm grabbed.  I want to be roughly held down as the spanking begins.  I want a cane slashing, belt cracking scene where I feel something other than what I have been feeling.

Most importantly is "I want to feel something other than what I have been feeling."

The annual FMS Tropical Beach Party is coming up soon.  Unfortunately, we will have to miss this year due to a vanilla commitment.  I am bummed because I always have a great time and many of my favorite people will be there.  It would have provided with me the chance to get the snot beaten out of me too.  ;-)

I am lucky that I am married to a spanko, so I do get play more than most.  However, anything and anyone attached to the vanilla issue would end up putting me in a different head space and I would not be able to escape the issue.

I guess my whiny post comes down to these questions.  Have any of you spanked or have been spanked just to escape your problem for a while?  Have you been ever played rough just to feel something other than what you have been feeling?

Can someone hurry up and invent a teleportation device already?

Hugging is Good Medicine

Picture taken from Facebook

The photo above was posted by one of my friends on my vanilla facebook.  I love it.  The drop that hits after an amazing party is terrible.  It really makes me realize how lonely I am in my town and how I wish that we lived closer to friends.  Don't get me wrong, I love my husband.  He is my rock, my soul mate, my best friend.  I just haven't made any connections, vanilla or other, since moving here.  It's lonely.

Hugging is good medicine.  I fully believe that.  I crave hugs.  I love to give hugs.  I love to receive them.  Above all else, I love to be held, pulled in and loved.  I crave that attention.  The little girl in me wants to be held tight and told that everything will be okay.  

A huge part of a good scene for me is the after hug.  Even during short party scenes, I love the after hug.  If I just let you beat my bottom, please take the time for a squeeze.  It helps me connect with you.  During long, more mentally and emotionally intimate scenes, ending without being pulled in and hugged would destroy me.  

If a girl chooses, she will put her heart in your hand.  She will be raw and vulnerable.  If she grants you that gift, hold her.  Talk to her.  Provide soothing words.  Stroke her hair.  Kiss her forhead!  For that moment, hold as if you will never let go.  Do not take her gift to you for granted.

Remember that spankos are hug-os.  Get your 12 hugs a day for personal growth.

Courage Panties

I have to be brave tonight.  Very brave.  Braver than I normally am when it comes to such things.  I'm thinking it is time to put on my courage panties!

What are courage panties?  They are the panties I wear when I need an extra boost of confidence!  Most have secret messages on them and when I am most terrified, I remind myself that I have my courage panties on.

The phrases I whisper to myself when I need super confidence

I know it's silly, but you know what?  They really work.  When I finally jumped  out into the scene and went to my first major spanking party, I had to pack my Wonder Woman panties just in case.

Wonder Woman panties boosted my confidence at my first ever shadowlane/spanking party

So tonight I don my "fabulous" panties to remind myself that I can be fabulous if I want to be!  They will help me do the scariest of scarys and boost my confidence to remind me that I can do it.

Everyone should have their own pair of courage panties!

XII: Saying Goodbye the Socially Awkward Spanko Way

This picture belongs further down, but I would rather have this pop up on the blog lists than the blister one!

This is my last party entry!  If you missed any click here:

Part I            Part V        Part IX

Part II        Part VI      Part X

Part III        Part VII       Part XI

Part IV        Part VIII       Part XII

After the awesome scene we all headed back down towards the suite parties.  I was loopy and a little out of it, but I'm pretty sure I had a huge dopey grin on my face.  Kor-E managed to take my hand and pull me over his knee.  I felt really bad because I was starting to come down and the reality of the spanking I just took was starting to hit.  I was sore.  I had a few spots in particular that really hurt even when just lightly touched.  One on my sit spot turned out to be a blister.  I literally had my bottom blistered!

An actual blister!!!!

Kor-E was barely touching me and I couldn't help but say, "Ouch!  Ow! Ow!"  He laughed and said that the ouchies were music to his ears!  I was still loopy from the scene before, but it was nice to Kor-E to cool me down.  I almost fell asleep over his lap I was so relaxed! Then he would touch an ouchie spot with his fingernails!  Even the nicest tops are really super mean. ;)

A group of our friends were sitting in the hallway outside of a suite room.  With my husband being there, I curled up next to him and put my head on his lap.  I'm not sure if I actually fell asleep, but he was pushing for me to go to bed.  I hate going to bed when everyone is still up.  I feel like I will miss something!!  He tricked me into going back to our room and lying on the bed to apply arinca and lotion to combat some of the bruising.  Once I was face down on the bed, I fell asleep and was not going back out to the party.  :(

Waking up came all too soon.  Apparently our hotel was trying to get back at us for our late night smacking sounds and decided to start drilling and hammering on the ceiling above us!  It was torture!!!  Who the hell drills and hammers above hotel rooms at 7 fucking am?  I was so tired that after tossing and turning, I was able to put a pillow around my ears and fall back asleep.  When I would wake the second time, the drilling would be finished.

Heather, Publikk, and I slowly started to pack up all the scattered clothing items and implements around our room.  Publikk and I had a few hours before we had to leave for our flight, and Uncle OS had extended his room stay and was nice enough to let us stick our suitcases in there before checkout.  Hugs farewell are the hardest things for me to do.  Sarah_Rocks and PPD were able to sneak away early in the morning without me balling my eyes out to her.  Poor jules wasn't as lucky!  I gave Uncle Mike and Aunt Miranda a huge hug and walked down to the lobby with jules to say goodbye.  I hate that we all live so far apart from one another.  I hate more that I work a job with such crappy pay that doesn't allow me to be able to visit everyone as much as I would like!  We gave final hugs and turned away to meet with some stragglers for lunch at the hotel buffet.

Strictdave, Stacy, Uncle OS, Ellee, Beth, YoggSothoth, Heather, Maria, Kor-E, Publikk and I took over a table to enjoy our last minute company with each other.  I was able to witness how evil StrictDave really is when poor little Ellee came bouncy back to the table with a bowl of ice cream and sprinkles and he decided to dump his left over shrimp legs into it!  The tragic look on her face was adorable and I felt so bad for her.  Luckily he set it right by getting her another bowl of ice cream with sprinkles.

Publikk and I were talking about taking one last walk on the boardwalk when he knocked over what I thought was water (it was sprite!) all over me.  My pants were soaked and uncomfortable and I had no desire to walk around with wet jeans for the rest of the day.  I asked Uncle OS if it was okay to use the hair dryer in his room to try and dry my pants.  On the way up I ran into my lovely mistress/wifey/ the Power Aurora and had to stop and give big hugs.  Aurora was starting a new adventure of her own this week moving her even farther way from me.  :(  I teared up saying goodbye and left shivering thanks to the stupid wet sprite pants.

I was able to get the hair dryer going and helped lessen the yuck of the sprite pants, but at that moment I decided to ruin any pleasant good bye I could have had by knocking over a bottle of red nail polish and having it shatter all over my foot and the floor of the hotel bathroom.  I was horrified at the huge mess I had just made and starting shrieking, "OH! OH! OH!"  StrictDave, Publikk, and Ellee came running to see what was wrong, and it took them a second to realize it wasn't blood all over my foot, but nail polish!  If you have ever spilled nail polish before, you know what a bitch it is to clean up.  I was in full panic/horror mode because I felt so horrible that my klutziness managed to make a disaster of a mess right before we had to leave.  I ran and got some paper towels, picked glass out of my foot, and tried to wipe up as much as the nail polish I could.  Panicking I sent Publikk to run down to the store and pick up some nail polish remover and I fought back tears as I tried my hardest to clean the mess up.  Stacy came upstairs and saw my mess and grabbed some nail polish remover pads and began to help me clean up the floor.  I felt horrible in making her help and by using up all her nail polish remover.  We were able to get the majority of the nail polish off the ground, and in retrospect it really wasn't that big of a disaster as I felt it to be, but it's those types of dumb klutzy things that I do that make me nervous that everyone will shun me and leave being mad at me.

Because I felt horrible, I couldn't help but apologize a million times.  Apparently I was apologizing too much, and Kor-E felt the need give me a "proper" goodbye/reminder to not apologize too much. Then when I called Publikk to let him know he didn't need to buy the nail polish remover, I kept apologizing to him on the phone because I felt bad ruining HIS last moments.  Apparently I was told that if I apologized one more time I would get the hairbrush, and even then I continued to say I was sorry.  I couldn't help it!  I felt so guilty and I still feel guilty.  I was then bent over the chair and given the most confusing hairbrush spanking ever!  I had to say I wasn't sorry, but then I kept apologizing for saying I'm sorry!!  So I was sorry for being sorry and that didn't help either!  At least it made me giggle and stop freaking out!

The sorry I'm sorry spanking!  Photo by the lovely Stacymacy

For the record and I promise the final time I will say it, I really am sorry that that was how I managed to end our time together!  I'm sorry that I broke the nail polish, shrieked, and made a huge mess.  I am sorry that I left glass and nail polish all over the bathroom floor.  I am sorry that I used up all the nail polish remover wipes and made Publikk run to the store to grab some more when he didn't need to.  I'm sorry I used up several paper towels and potentially made the maids super angry and would have caused them to file extra charges to the room for my klutziness.  I am so sorry that I caused that huge mess moments before we had to leave.

It was time for last minute hugs and there were so many people that I wanted to hang on to and never let go.  That final goodbye and party drop is the worse.  I do not have many close vanilla friends, especially in the town I currently live in.  To have found so many wonderful, lovely people who as a bonus happen to be spankos too, and then sprinkle them all over the country far away from me is one of the cruelest tortures the universe has thrown my way.

Publikk and I left the suite floor for the last time and met up with Melville who would be flying back home with us.  The hour and a half to the airport was spent chatting and discussing the wonderful weekend.  I sat in the back of the van as we drove lost in my emotions and thoughts.  I sent a few texts in an attempt to hold on to the awesome weekend and began jotting down any notes and memories from the weekend that I could in order to help organize my thoughts.  I felt the soreness of the weekend as I sat in the van, moved around the airport, and settled down onto the plane.  I smiled to myself as I leaned against my Pubsie and tried not to let myself cry the whole way home.

Thank you to EVERYONE who made my weekend as amazing as it was.  I love you all so much and have bought some lottery tickets in the hope of being able to someday buy the spanking island commune for all of us.

BBW Post XI: Sunday Night Suite Parties and One of my Best Scenes Ever

If you missed any, start here:

Part I

As detention ended, the girls heading on down to join the many people already filling up the suites.  Even though the official party was over, so many people were staying Sunday night.  The atmosphere seems much more relaxed as friends chat and play some last minute scenes.  It is always fun to see the different type of relationships that form and/or strengthen throughout the weekend.  

I watched as certain scenes were set up and smiled as I watched a nervous Heather still in her school girl outfit waiting to get her detention slipped signed.  I threw Aurora under the bus since Publikk hadn't spanked all 3/3s of the power.  I watched hugs being given, drinks being poured, and a wave of happy content outpouring from each of the individual faces of all the party attendees.  

Topjosh and I had swore that we would get a scene in at some point this weekend.  Since it was already Sunday night and we still had not played, he pulled me aside and tried to find some place to play.  All the rooms in the suites were hopping so I suggested that we go down to our room.  Apparently Publikk and Sarah_Rocks had the same idea, so I asked Topjosh if he was okay if they came down to the room as well.

Poor Topjosh!  I don't think he realized what he was signing up for when both Sarah and I are together in a room.  The two of us feed off of each other and Sarah's banter is hilarious.  Josh was cracking up for our entire scene and it was one of the most fun and light-hearted moments of the party!  I was so glad we were able to finally connect and play more than just a few smacks at the end of a party!

As the night went on, I was really hoping that Uncle OS and I would get the chance to reconnect after our earlier scene didn't happen.  Unfortunately for me, I was having a few of my nagging thoughts picking away at my happy thoughts and I was feeling very insecure.  The wave of emotion one goes through at a party is hard on the normal person.  I'm not a normal person, lol.  When emotions, and adrenaline, and hormones build up, I start to become shaky and lose any confidence that I may have.  As much as I wanted this scene, there was no way I was going to ask for it. Being told "no" twice in one party especially by someone I care about may have resulted in my quitting of the scene and turning vanilla forever more!  I also didn't want him to feel like we had to play in some pity play type of way.  So although I had bratted and teased, I wanted him to be sure he knew that he didn't have to play with me.  

Luckily he told me that he still needed to "deal" with me, but he needed to take care of something first. I hung out waiting with butterflies building in my tummy.  I was really worried that I was coming off as way too needy and I paced a little in the hallway in an attempt to calm myself down.   It was nice that while I was waiting a few people asked if I was interested in playing.  I declined stating that I was waiting for a scene and because at that point in the weekend I was starting to wonder what my tolerance was.  When would it be the "last spank" that I could handle?   Unfortunately, Kor-E was one of the people I had to say no and wait until later, but I knew that he knew I was waiting and that there was no way we would go a party without him getting his hands on me!

My nerves had built up and I started pacing again as I waited.  In my head I felt that it was very important for me to mention that I was okay with him not wanting to play and provide him with an out.  When I saw him and his lovely little girl Stacy walking up the hallway, I wanted to mention it to him.  I quietly whispered that I was okay if he didn't want to play and that he really didn't have to.   I was responded with a "No, young lady!  You are not getting out of this."  The he turned and pointed to a corner in the hallway and said, "In fact... go stand in that corner and wait!"  My good friend Stacy came to my rescue and told her Daddy that I do not do corners and that he should read my fetish list!  Thank you Stacy for reading my fetish report! (If you are curious what she was talking about, click here!)  We walked down to my room and he asked when corners became a "red" for me, and I had to explain how it wasn't a hard limit for me, it's just that corner time just doesn't do it for me (especially after staring at the wall during the British Detention all night!).  I have way too much A.D.D. to focus and stand still for too long!!

Cornertime for me involves way too much fidgeting and tugging at my hair!

I don't think I fully realized how much I was craving the type of scene we were about to have.  I knew that I wanted to play, I just didn't think that he would be able to get into my mind and head space the way that he would.  He put me over his knee and began to spank me while talking about my obnoxious feelings.  I didn't want to talk about being rejected, but he dragged it out of me.  When I started crying over it like a pathetic loser, he pulled me in for a hug and held me until I stopped.

When I get nagging thoughts in my head, I do turn a bit stubborn.  I can't remember exactly why, but at some point I refused to comply with what he was saying.  He threatened to get his hairbrush and I made the mistake of rolling my eyes.  That sealed my fate and was told, "I don't care if standing in the corner does nothing for you, you are going to stand there anyway!  Get in a corner!"  When my mouth spoke before my brain and said, "all the corners have stuff in them" I was given one of the sternest looks I have ever received!  I think it may have been a personal record on how fast I turned around and found a corner to stick my nose into!  

I was left to stand in the corner for a short amount of time as he ran and fetched his hairbrush before being put back over his knee.  After being scolded for pulling my panties back up without permission, the swat with the hairbrush came raining down. Uncle OS's hairbrush is one of the meanest hairbrushes around and he has a very unhealthy obsession with it.  Oddly enough though, as much as I hate wood... he has such a great technique with it that it is not the horrible torture that wood usually is on me.  

Between the hairbrushing, and combination of soothing yet stern words, I was starting to let go and allowing myself to submit to the pain and take it in.  It is a very freeing feeling to be able to put my guard down.  I trusted him.  I trusted him to see me at my most vulnerable and I loved it.  He bent me back over the bed and took his belt off and began to strap me.  All I had to say was that I promised to be his good little niece and it would have stopped.  I couldn't bring myself to say it.  I wanted the scene to keep going and I was too stubborn to admit anything! After five minutes he stopped and asked me if I was ready to say it.  I just looked up at him and remained silent.  He said, "Fine.  I can do this all night."  I still wasn't ready to cave after another five minutes.  Even when he started strapping my thighs I stayed silent.  When he said that I wouldn't being wearing any short skirts any time soon...  I stayed silent.  I think it was after 13 straight minutes that I finally said that I was willing to be his good little niece!!!

Apparently I shouldn't wear shorts either... 

Afterwards he pulled me in and held me and talked such sweet words that I tried so hard to let myself believe.  This was one of the best scenes I had ever had and I am so grateful that he is nice enough to want to play with me.  I'm not sure if he knew what a mess I was prior to playing, but that one scene made my whole weekend and it was worth waiting until Sunday night to have it.   It is so rare for someone to be able to tap into my headspace, and it means the world to mean that he did.

Poor Stacy and Heather were waiting for us concerned after he ran out of the room and got his hairbrush!  I was so happy for them to come in and give hugs as I sat in my spacey, after a perfect scene giddiness.  I also loved that they ratted each other out for their school misbehavings and both ended up being bent over the bed for licks of their own.  I sat on the bed and watched like the little perv I am and then I took the opportunity to sneak my own school detention slip into the mix so it would be signed without consequence!  ;)

 Sunday night was such a wonderful night for me.

BBW Post X: British Discipline Group and Detention With the Cousins

If you missed any, start here:

Part I

Stephen Lewis, Mrs. Darling, Mr. Allen, and the head girls Catherine, and Zoe were nice enough to donate their time by creating a British Discipline group that allowed for girls to take part of a role play as if they were being sent to the Headmasters office for correctional needs.  It is an awesome concept that I was too chicken to sign up for at Shadowlane, but the lovely Maria decided to coral and organize a cousin detention time for all of us to participate in.   Since there were so many of us and we were all involved with different aspects of BBW, the only time we could all get together would be Sunday night after the cruise.

We were all directed to be prepared for our detention at 9pm sharp.  Since Heather's and my room was connected to the British Discipline room, we had all the girls meet at our room at 8:30 so we wouldn't be late.  We were super giggly as everyone started to show up.  Heather, Maria, Stacy, Sarah, Aurora, Ellee and I were bouncing around the room as we waited for 9pm to arrive.  Unfortunately Beth was unable to make it and we thought jules wouldn't be able to either, but at the last second jules arrived to join in the chaos!  

At about two minutes to nine, Mrs. Darling burst through our connecting door and warned us that we had two minutes to be ready.  Assuming we would be using the connecting door, we hung around giggling for longer than two minutes.  It was then that we were informed that we should be waiting by the outside door and that we were now all late.  As everyone rushed out of our room to line up outside, my nervous energy burst and I thought that it might be a good idea to knock crazy on the door and then quickly run away to the end of the line.  The door soon burst open and Maria and Heather were whisked away while the rest of us were required to wait outside.  The rest of us stood around giggling until we were threatened to be quiet.  We starting talking and giggling again until we were threatened with all of us being caned on the front of our thighs.  That line managed to echo down the hallway and draw some curious looks our way from the other party goers.  The majority of us stood back in line quietly, but Ellee soon stepped back out and quietly continued her conversation with us.

We could hear smacking noises coming through the door as Heather and Maria were being attended to.  Soon the door flew open and the rest of us were to file inside.  Poor Heather and Maria were standing with their noses against the wall as we lined up to face the discipline panel.  Headmaster Lewis, School Secretary Mrs. Darling, and Head Girl Zoe were awaiting us.  

The three Brits did an amazing job staring us down.  I had goosebumps as they began to lecture us.  Of course the first thing they asked was, "Which one of you knocked on the door and ran away!?"  For a split second I hesitated wondering if I should admit that it was me, but at that point I had no idea why Heather and Maria were called into the room before the rest of us.   I was worried one of them may have cracked (Heather!) or I was worried that I brought super doom down on all of us.  So as they waited glaring at us, I slowly raised my hand admitting that it had been me who knocked and ran.  At least they appreciated that I had been honest, but it didn't stop me from having to go first when it came to turning our detention slips over.  

What is driving me crazy is I know I saved the slip and I cannot find it!  I can't remember exactly what it said, but I was in trouble for two reasons.  1.) It is only okay to answer a question without being a smart alec and 2.)  Wiggling and giggling during my bad girl corner spanking.  Once again I found myself over headmaster Lewis's knee (*swoon*) being hand spanked for my transgressions, and then given ten more for my knock and dash.  It is hard for me to keep my feet on the ground while I am being spanked OTK, and at one point I actually LOST my shoes.  I was wearing my adorable purple kitty cat shoes that I love so much, but Mrs. Darling did not seem to approve of them.  In fact, I was told that she did not approve of my rodent shoes!  Unable to help myself, I had to explain that the shoes were in fact CATS with pointy ears and whiskers.  Not listening to reasoning, she told me they looked like RATS!  :-(

I found it!!  

After that exchange I found myself up with my nose against the wall as the other girls were brought forward on their own charges.  Standing with my noise against the wall was very hard for me because I really wanted to turn around and watch the ongoings!  I could not help but giggle and it is really hard for me to stay focused in the corner anyway.  This was really cool though, because by the time all the girls were punished, every single one of us had our skirts up and nose in the corner.  As the last girl was punished for our transgressions, we were called forward again for round two!  Apparently Mrs. Darling assumed I was trying to whisper to Maria.  I wasn't.  Maria was being to good of a girl and refused to catch my eye!  ;)  So it was back over the chair for a strapping.  With Maria on the other side!  It would be my turn, then Maria's turn and we were suppose to count and thank the headmaster for our punishment.  I just happen to be very bad at following directions.  I counted... but I forgot to thank him for my punishment.  So we had to do it again.  Then my nerves got to me and I stuttered over counting!  That was an extra swat as well.  When Maria and I were finished, we were both back with our noses against the wall.  Aurora and Sarah were punished for their inappropriate girl on girl action, and their double caning was amazing!  It was becoming even more difficult for me to stay with my noise against the wall.  The sweet and innocent Stacy whose original charge was to show the rest of us the proper way to take a spanking was spanked because of these inappropriate shoes that jules got her.  Jules was spanked again for "snotting" on the wall.  Ellee was spanked for her fox shoes, purse, and panties, and then Heather... sweet cousin Heather... my Boardwalk Academy Roommate, sold all the cousins out the night before!!!!!!!!!  After snitching to the headmaster and secretary that the best way to break us would be to "divide and conquer" and to "take out jules and the rest will follow", we were allowed to turn and watch her comeuppance!!

The detention was so much fun and the quick witted response from the team was amazing.  A few of the comments that had us all cracking up was when Mrs. Darling asked, "What does a fox say, Headmaster?" After Ellee was turned over and with Heather standing against the wall being her naughty self, Mrs. Darling said: "Heather!!!!  Your gaping hole is getting wider!"  After we all started snickering, Mrs. Darling asked, "HEADMASTER!  What am I supposed to do with a room full of crude American girls!"  

After watching Heather get what she deserved, :)  we all had to sign the discipline book, thank the group for punishing us, and we headed back to our room.  Our half hour detention turned out to be closer to two hours when all was said and done!  With all the girls being occupied, the guys down the hall discussed barging down to save themselves from the sausage fest.

The Punishment Book

Thanks so much to Maria for organizing this for all of us and the wonderful Brits for being such good sports and playing along.  I really hope that we can all do this again at the next party! 

BBW Part IX: The "I Luv Adult Speaking" Cruise

My posts are getting ridiculous, LOL!  If you missed any, start here:

Part I

After leaving the restaurant I was feeling like I had the rug pulled out from underneath me.  Then it took a while for Publikk and I to find our car, plus we were pushing it close to catching the shuttles to the cruise, and I was really tired from the lack of sleep of the weekend... a panic attack was beginning to build inside of me.  All I really wanted was to sit in my room and compose myself and of course it was at that moment that the maids happened to be cleaning our room. 

With Publikk having to do something and me with no place to go holding a bag of Italian food, I wandered down to Joe and Ten's suite to offer up the leftovers for the party suite.  Ten saw the look on my face and could figure that there was something wrong with me.  Even though she had to get down to the shuttle service with Joe, she pulled me into their bathroom and helped me calm down.  I am very grateful for Ten because had I had a full blown panic attack, I would most likely have decided to skip out on the cruise!

With my room finally being free I was able to put on warmer clothes for the boat ride.  It was such a nice day, but I knew that once that sun went down it would be too cold for this southern living girl!

This was the first BBW where we were able to stay until Monday!  Normally we need to leave way too early on Sunday and miss out on many of the fun things going on.  The I Luv Adult Speaking Cruise was something I had been looking forward to for weeks!

There were three scheduled shuttle runs to the boat, all organized by cousin Joe with his clipboard and captain's hat.  Publikk and I had to be split up, but we were at the boat in no time.  120 Spankos climbed on ready for a spanking boat ride!  We hadn't even left the harbor yet and people were already starting to play. RainySpanker and PPD spent the weekend doing this weird redneck accent that unfortunately did sound like the people from the town I currently work in. :-P  RainySpanker found it pertinent to strap me for all that "sass" that comes out of my mouth.  Afterwards he bet me I couldn't not sass for five minutes!  I decided that I just wouldn't speak and smirked at him for the five minutes.  Even with the jokes about how, "hyuck hyuck! We got her quiet."  I continued to stand there quietly smirking at RainySpanker.  When he told me the five minutes were up, I continued to stand there quietly and smirk at him. It took another minute, but then he realized by purposely not saying a word and smirking I was providing plenty of sass.  It's a gift to be able to sass without having to say a word at all!!

As the boat started moving, Publikk said that he had never spanked anyone on a boat before.  I asked him if he wanted to. ;)  He pulled me over his lap and proceeded to give me his first ever boat spanking.  As silly as it is, it still makes me happy that we still have first moments that we get to share with each other.  It also surprised me that this was the first time we had played with each other all weekend.  I know that we see each other everyday, but I still like to be able to play and share the special party mojo with each other as well!

The boat took off into the harbor and the weather was beautiful!  The sounds of smacks echoed throughout the ship and Publikk and I joined the crowd for the drawbridge spanking.  Once passing through the bridge, we noticed a fisherman fist bumping the air, apparently overjoyed at the eyeful he just received!!  We went around the harbor looking at the Atlantic City boardwalk.  At one point Publikk realized that he had not followed through on his threat to spank the power.  Unfortunately for him, both Sarah_Rocks and I were feeling feisty, so I helped fill Sarah with the power as we both flew her off Publikk's lap! Sarah was also nice enough to help Publikk with his sore shoulder.  He is such a stubborn man when it comes to going to the doctor!  Luckily the lovely Elleebutt was there to get all toppy and lecture him.  Somehow that turned into both of us being bent over and spanked together.  All because we tried to help someone be a better person!!

The cruise ended as the sun was setting and the captain made a joke about seeing hundreds of moons on this trip but for to look at the one beautiful sunset. Of course as predicted, once the sun set, I did begin to freeze.  Luckily, the people on the second floor of the boat huddled in a circle for comfort and warmth.  It was such a great way to end the evening.

Getting off the boat, we didn't even have to wait for a shuttle!  Strict Dave and Ellee brought a rental car and offered us a ride back to the hotel.  I was so grateful, because at that point I was already starting to shiver violently.  It is amazing how fast your blood thins when you move to the south. 

Thank you Joe and Ten for organizing an amazing boat ride.  Dedicating it to Marc just made it even more special!

BBW Part VIII: Court, Lunch, and Sassing Uncle OS

If you missed the other parts, start here:

BBW Part I

Sleep is something that you do not get at these events.  After going to bed at around 6 AM, I needed to wake up a few hours later for Spanking Court.  Thankfully Spanking Court was pushed to noon this year and that extra hour did make a difference.  I knew that I was involved in at least two court cases so I needed to make sure I was there on time!

The first case that I was called on involved my scene with hornybastard and being tossed to the ground!  This was HB's first party so I wasn't sure if he would be okay with me calling him up on charges. Luckily he is a good sport, and he somehow managed to win!  I love doing these court cases where people crack up and chuckle as you're explaining what is going on.  I still can't believe I lost, and sure enough I was bent over a chair for four swats from Judge Dave.

The second case I was involved in was Sarah_Rocks and I versus Mike Tanner and Jules. The charge? Attempting to get into lunch without having their name badge!  Jules managed to build a wonderful case and Sarah and I were convinced we were going to lose.  However, Mike Tanner leans over and whispers to Jules, "tell them where guilty!"  I nearly fell over laughing!  With that comment Sarah_Rocks and I won our case!

After court, a bunch of us ran around to help tear down the ballroom and packed up the curtains and banners that were hanging around the room.  As what has become a lovely tradition on Sunday after court, a large group of us went for family-style Italian food!  Publikk and I climbed into our roomy rented minivan, and headed over to join the group.

Lunch on Sunday is always so relaxing. We get to hang out, talk, and enjoy each others company.  We also get to leave the hotel!!  I was still feeling a little insecure, but I was also feeling very sassy.  It turns out to not be a good combination.  OlympiaSpanker was sitting not too far from me.  All weekend he was being very mean to me. :(  Not in the fun spanking way, but in the "let me make fun of your sports teams and other things that you like" type of way.  The tired brat in me was making comment after comment until he threatened to take the keys to the van and march me off to the parking garage for misbehaving.  Apparently that threat wasn't good enough, because the next threat was to march me over to the public bathroom, with a promise that he was not kidding. That was when I decided that I must have stepped over the line and should probably quiet down.  Not without a stubborn pout directed his way!   Poor Prux and Reina who were sitting across from me became silent after that exchange of words.  My knees were shaking as well, especially after I was told I did indeed step over that line and that it would be dealt with shortly.

This type of scene set up is very rare for me.  I was in the perfect headspace to be spanked in the van in the parking garage for misbehaving in the restaurant.  I was sorry for pushing and embarrassed that a public spanking was inevitable.  It was not planned, it just happened.  A real spanking for real misbehavior.  It doesn't get any better than that!

Unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances, the scene was unable to take place because Uncle OS and Stacy had to ride back to the hotel with another person. It felt like someone dumped a bucket of ice water over my head and I was so disappointed.  I didn't know when or if we would ever get another chance like that. I didn't even know if we would have the head space set up to address the restaurant behavior later.  Public threats with semi public spankings is apparently a huge spanko turn on for me!  Having it be for something real was the sprinkle and cherries on top.  I hope to somehow get that chance again someday!

Publikk and I headed to the parking garage by ourselves, and our poor rental van would remain spank free.  At least we had the Adult Speaking Cruise to look forward to!

BBW Part VII: It is not always rainbows and butterflies

I hesitated in writing this part, but I would be lying to myself if I didn't tell my whole party story.  I want to try and stay positive because overall, the weekend was amazing. However, this is a real incident and it was a hard lesson for me.  I let it get to me much more than I should have let it, and unfortunately it is still there, nagging at me, sometimes screaming at me, hoping to ruin all the happiness this weekend gave me.  I know I am being over-dramatic, but sadly I cant help it.  Negative thoughts about myself are always on my brain no matter how hard I try to suppress them.  The worse part is when they convince me that they are true.

I have been going to the major parties for the last six years now.  In all those six years, I have not once asked a person to play.  I have never been able to do it.  Not ONCE in six years.  

If you know me, you know how neurotic I am.  I don't understand why anyone would ever want to play with me.  I'm not very pretty,  I'm not very skinny, and I am ridiculously awkward to the point of embarrassment.  Yet, without sounding completely like a preadolescence teenage girl, I really,really want people to like me.  If I think someone is mad at me I will instantly start to cry and I worry what other people think constantly.  It is never good and I always need to be reassured once I get a bad thought stuck in my head.  Unfortunately, as much as I need the reassurance, my brain screams, "quit being such a needy bitch" and since I hate coming off as needy, I will hide and cry to myself until the moment has finally passed.  

Apparently that night I was feeling very brave and maybe for once in my life, secure and confident.  In the wee hours of Sunday morning, I asked a top to play.  I did!  All by myself.  And then he said no.

I'm not writing this to be mean about him, he was a perfect gentleman about it.  He doesn't know what a neurotic freak I am.   He probably dodged a bullet!  I refuse to even admit his name to anyone.  However, it was everything I feared an answer would be, if I ever became brave enough to ask. Having your worst thoughts proven to be true sucks. Trying not to cry, I turned away so he couldn't see the disappointment on my face.  I chose at that moment that it was time for me to walk away from the party and go to bed.

I don't blame him for saying no. I wouldn't want to play with me either.  I am glad that I was brave enough to finally ask someone.  I survived and now I know what will happen.  However, I do not ever see myself ever being brave enough to ask anyone ever again, lol.  Maybe in another six years...

BBW Part VI: Saturday Night Suite Parties and THE POWER!

Just in case you missed them:

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Part V

The Saturday night suites were hopping as people began to assemble on the suite floor.  The sound of smacks echoing throughout the hallway is always an amazing sound to hear.  

Boardwalk Badness Weekend always attracts a large number of British Spankos and I can't help myself when it comes down to their accents.  I'm not sure if it is just an American thing, but listening to certain accents just make me happy, and British accents are definitely a favorite of mine! 

I have known jcspanks for several parties now, but have never managed to play with him.  Mostly it is because I am terrified to ask people to play and never want to bother people and a bunch of other crazy neurotic reasons that make absolutely no logical sense to anyone other than me!  Lucky for me, Mr. Jcspanks came up and told me that we weren't going to miss each other at this party! I walked into Dirk's suite and the two of us went into the bedroom and enjoyed a wonderful scene with hand spanks, straps, and my favorite, the cane.  Once Jcspanks discovered that I love being caned, he provided plenty of stripes and even called over the lovely ouchkiss to share her expertise!  Jcspanks was so great that he even tried to help set up a caning scene between Mr. Allen and myself!  Unfortunately, with everything going on we were unable to connect, but it is on my must do list for the next party!

A British Invasion would not be complete without the chance to play with my favorite ex-Brit Rich!  Friday night we attempted to set up a "power hour" with Rich, but unfortunately he was too tired to even try to handle the awesomeness that is us, and he went to bed early to prepare for his class at the boardwalk academy.  We were NOT going to miss this chance on Saturday.  

I managed to get Aurora, Sarah_Rocks, and I together and texted Rich to meet us and take advantage of my suite floor room!  All weekend I would hear Heather and Publikk occupying the room and decided to grab my chance and be one of the cool suite floor kids.  Publikk was in one of the suites and Heather was in the hallway, so you can imagine my surprise when I walked in our room and a scene was going on!  At first I was just embarrassed for interrupting, however, then I was confused.  I mean, if Publikk was down there and we were right here, who was in the room?

Luckily Heather first realized that it was the lovely Stepfordwife who came through the secret door that connected our rooms.  We all giggled and Heather was whisked into the room!  

A quick change of location decision put us in Rich and Missy's room and Rich found himself with The POWER and Pulls_Panties_Down.  I think it is safe to say that PPD still suffers from Post Traumatic Power Disorder and is a bit grouchy when it comes to the power!

Rich knowing our love of canes compared the three of us to Goldielocks!  Sarah_Rocks the girl he has never caned.  Aurora, the girl he canes occasionally, and me!  The girl he canes all the time!!

I bent over the bed as Rich proceeded to give me a nice long caning session.  Missy came back into the room at some point and starting playing with my hair while I was being caned.  I was in heaven!  I almost fell asleep, but then Missy mentioned (as part of a conversation) that she was curious about someone being caned to the point of bleeding.  I lifted my head at that point and she reassured me that this was not the make a wish foundation and she wasn't asking ME to be sliced.  ;)

It was such a wonderful scene.  My bestie wives, the adorable Missy, and my favorite egotist!  I was extremely giddy and loopy afterwards which I think ended up contributing to my feeling brave and actually for the very first time in six years of party adventures, asking a top to play with me.