An Ode to My Girls, and Why Girlfriends Make Life Better

I've never had a lot of friends.  Especially girlfriends.

I was always kind of a tom boy growing up and am a little rough around the edges.  I never was boy crazy, I didn't care about clothes, and I didn't start wearing makeup until I was in college (and even now I only put it on for special occasions).

I tried very hard to fit in when I was in high school.  I pretended I liked bands and I would talk about guys they thought were hot.  I wore what my friends told me to wear and I laughed at all their jokes, even though many were mean and not very funny.  Basically I was their puppet and when I finally spoke up against them I no longer had friends.  It would have been a very lonely year if I didn't have my guys.

Fast forward several years and my girlfriends were still few and far between.  I finally got the courage to come into the scene, and then something amazing happened.

I met the girls.

Suddenly I had girls to laugh with, girls to chat with, and girl hugs coming at me at all angles.   Parties would turn into all night gab fests and giggles. Snugglefests on the bed would be the late night party norm, and silly gags will turn into hilarious stories and longtime running jokes.

Best part?  These girls seemed to like me for me!

I have panic attacks that pop up when I am really nervous about something and am embarrassed when they happen.  I hate crying in front of people, and all panic attacks end with me crying.  As much as I love going to parties, unfortunately I occasionally panic about something (and it is ALWAYS something stupid).  Normally I can hide in my room alone and cry without anyone knowing.  The couple of times I had been caught was with guys and I was horrified.  I was convinced if any of the girls caught me they would avoid me like the plague.

Last Shadowlane I was nervous about something.  I thought I had calmed myself down enough to be okay, but unfortunately right before entering a suite I panicked.  I couldn't breathe and I felt the tears coming.  Not only was I embarrassed that I was panicking about something stupid, I was horrified because I was with a group of my girls.  Not sure what to do, I muttered something about going back to my room, entered the closest stairwell and started crying.

Girls however, don't let other girls run away that easily.  The door opened, and in came two of my girls.  As I started to panic more, hugs and soothing talk came my way.  Instead of laughing at me or rolling their eyes, they calmed me down.  They made me feel better and even talked me into coming back to the party.  They were there for me.

This past weekend I attended the amazing SSNY Christmas Party and was invited to stay in a house in the city with 18 other people.  Super cramp quarters made it hard to escape from any panic attacks.  Long story short, I became nervous about an outfit I said I was going to wear and my anxiety rose to the point of tears.  My poor husband tried to help me as much as he could, but unfortunately when I am like that I can't listen to him. Instead of leaving me alone to freak myself out, he went upstairs and got one of the girls.  When he told her what was going on she quickly came down, and a couple of the other girls who heard what was going on quickly joined her.  Their words and encouragement calmed me down and I realized that I was being stupid.  I never in a million years thought that I would have these amazing ladies in my life.

So in my post party, weepy, cheesy, and droppy sadness, I want to thank all my girls.  From "THE POWER" to my cousins, from tucks to snugglefests on the bed, from giggling when we shouldn't to singing loudly, from piling into cars and other bad idea ideas... thank you.  I could never survive the scene without you and having you in my life makes my life so much better.