When I first ventured into the scene, I thought the only type of spankings that existed were discipline spankings and that in order to achieve said goal, bratting was the only way to do it. I didn't really do anything "bad" that needed a spanking, so being annoying seemed the way to go.
Only, I HATED being a brat. Pranks and tricks are not my thing. Being sassy has always been apart of who I am, but my making a smart ass comment doesn't necessarily mean I am trying to get a spanking. I'm just being me.
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Funishment: Naughty Baker
In reality, growing up and even growing up in my scene life, I never really needed any type of discipline type spankings. I do my job, I am a safe driver, I tend not to be irresponsible, and I would never intentionally do something to hurt a person I care about's feelings. That is not me.
When my husband and I first began our relationship, real discipline spankings were sprinkled into it. I could tell back then it wasn't his favorite thing to do, and as our relationship grew into more than just "spanko" playmates, we became equals. I do understand that many women enjoy taking a submissive role to their husbands, but I had been taking care of myself for so long, I wasn't able to be in a relationship where I felt subservient to my partner. My husband does take care of me, but any major decisions in our life is discussed between us and decided together.
Funishment: Naughty Baker
Eventually discipline type spankings disappeared from our relationship completely, and I was okay with that.
So I thought.
There were a few items that I asked my husband to help me with, but he never kept up with it. I called him out on it and he let me know that he didn't think I really wanted a DD type relationship in our marriage, and the punishment aspect of spanking just doesn't seem to work with us. I agreed and let it go. I didn't want my husband to do anything he didn't feel comfortable with, it wouldn't be fair to him.
Then last year I did do something that hurt a dear friend of mine and made him very angry with me. To make a long story short, I did something that I thought was playful, but in reality it annoyed him. I didn't realize it annoyed him and kept at it until it basically blew up in my face. I was horrified that I had hurt him and quickly tried to make it right. Last summer in an unplanned scene, he spanked me for the incident. It was not the hardest spanking I ever had, but I cried, something I never do during scenes. I cried not because of the spanking, but because he was so disappointed in me and my actions. I never want to do that to him again.
Funishment: Top in the Corner
As much as I hate crying in front of people, and as much as I hated having to have a scene like that, it was also very cathartic. I did something wrong that hurt someone I love, but instead of dropping me from his life, he punished me and cleared the air between us. I knew all was forgiven and I wanted to be a better person because of it. It is one of the most powerful scenes I have ever been a part of.
The scene stayed with me and I began to think about having a DD relationship again. It hadn't worked in our relationship before, but maybe I changed? However, even if I had changed would my husband's feelings have changed? I became jealous of the discipline relationships my husband had with other girls. To clarify, it wasn't jealousy of his playing with others (we both play with others), I was jealous that when it came to other girls, he could play the part of the disciplinarian and punish them if needed.
Last May I became sick and was put on a strict diet that until recently, I followed very well. I was also put on medication for some health issues that I need to take twice a day to avoid becoming sick. I don't know if it was the holidays or I was just fed up with everything, but I fell off the wagon and I fell hard. For whatever reason, I suck at taking my medications. I either forget in the morning, or I forget at night... more than once a week. I don't mean to forget, but I do. Then this past week I went back to my doctor where he told me how disappointed he was with me, and I left feeling ashamed of myself. I felt and still feel actually, like I failed myself. I hate feeling like a failure and I had no one to blame but myself.
So I asked my husband for help. I asked him to help me get back on the diet that doesn't make me sick and to make sure I actually take my medication twice a day. I failed. I failed horribly. I am so miserable with myself that I keep chastising myself and asking myself what the fuck is wrong with me. Based on what I asked for, I deserve to be punished. However, once again it doesn't look like a punishment relationship will work for us. I know he hates punishing me for real offensives, but part of me wants to be able to have someone else chastise me and release that pent up self loathing that I form about myself.
I'm curious to know what others think. Are you able to have a DD relationship with your significant other? Do you have a significant other who plays with you but not in a disciplinarian type of way? Do you have a DD relationship with a different partner that is different from the relationship you have with your lover? Do you have a DD relationship with someone and you are not romantically involved?
I would love to read your thoughts and comments on the subject.
Funishment: Christmas Hairbrushing and Dropseat Fun
